Jessica's Blog

A picture is worth...

2011-10-25T10:04:00.002-04:00

It's Not Always Easy

2011-09-12T15:29:00.001-04:00

I ran across this blog last week.

www.jethatmaker.com/blog

Her post about "After the Airport" resonated very deeply with me. She is an incredible writer. Very honest and open and insightful about her family's adoption journey. I read it late in the evening, and when I went to bed that night I grabbed Meta out of his bed and put him into bed with me. I just wanted him close to me. My heart was heavy for him. And all he's been through.

So often when we tell our adoption story or we're out with Meta or even with family and friends who know him so well; the talk goes toward how blessed he is. What a miracle he is. How fortunate he was to be chosen, and moved into our family. I understand why the conversation often goes that way. Anyone who has seen photographs of 3rd world countries understands that his life now is far more comfortable than his life in Ethiopia. It's easy to imagine that a life with school and clothes and *good* food and a brother and sister and grandparents and aunts and uncles and a mom and a dad and craigs cruisers is so much more than his old life. He is blessed. He was chosen. And yet his life is not easy. It's not without pain. He has suffered enormous loss in his 5 short years. That's the part of his story that doesn't get talked about a lot.

My neice turns 3 this October. I watch her interact with her Mom and Dad. The love and trust she has for them is almost palpatable. For her Grandparents. For her life. She is trusting and dependant (even though she's getting more and more independent every day). She has routines. She has friends. She has food and places and things that she loves. Meta was a little older than her when he was relinquished to an orphanage. When everything in his world was turned upside down. When I imagine this happening to children I know and love, at that "not so young age"; my head won't let my heart even go there. I can not imagine. I don't want to. It would hurt too much to even consider. And yet that's exactly what happened to Meta.

It is good for me to remember. It causes me to pause when he's acting up and ask myself why. It gives me more patience. It helps me understand him just a little more. It gives me compassion for my son. I remind him often that we are his family forever. No matter what. Forever. And I pray that he believes me.

Adoption includes loss. It also includes lots and lots of blessings. But today, for whatever reason, my heart is thinking about the loss. And I think that's OK.

2 new neices

2011-09-02T15:41:00.002-04:00

In my last post (just yesterday for those of you keeping track!) I did not mention that I became an Aunt twice this summer. I didn't mention it because it deserves it's very own post.

My younger sister Julie had a very sweet, very cuddly, very healthy Macy RuthAnne this July. She is content and happy and oh so beautiful. Seriously beautiful. I am not one of those people who thinks every baby is cute. Macy is. For sure. Macy is one blessed little girl for a lot of reasons but one of the biggest is that she has an older sister Elise. Another little girl I love to death. Also beautiful. Also content and happy and very very sweet. Although she is in her twos now and has some opinions. But I love that too. Girls who are strong and even a little demanding make me smile. It will serve them well later in life.

Anyway.

Macy has a sister Elise. I can not think of a better way to start out life than with a sister. She is one blessed little girl.

My youngest sister, Abby also had a baby this summer. Sweet little Avery Leanne (Lea after Jessica LEA and Anne after Julie ANNE) was due to arrive mid November. She made her entrance into the world this August. For those of you who know anything about babies, you know that being born at 26 weeks gestation is NOT a good thing. For those of you who know anything about my God, you know that He is a God who answers prayers. And in the case of Avery He has answered in incredible ways.

It has been uplifting and encouraging and just plain wonderful to watch Abby & Mike's families and friends and coworkers, and even complete strangers bring this little girl before the Lord. She is stable and growing and holding her own. Another little girl who is blessed beyond belief. The nurses in DeVos NICU have actually called her feisty at times. I like that too. It's pretty obvious she's going to take after her mother.

Two new neices to love. Two little girls who will call me "Aunt Jess". Two new people to sit around Bush Family Lunch on Sundays. I'm not sure it can get any louder, but I have a feeling Avery and Macy will prove me wrong. Life is so fragile. It's so unpredictable. And it's also very very beautiful.

higher priorities

2011-09-01T12:41:00.004-04:00

I've always disliked it when Moms complain about how "busy" they are. A pastor of mine used to use this line ... "You aren't too busy to do that thing you said you would do, you just made something else a higher priority". That is so true. I haven't been too busy to write a blog post, I've just chosen to do other things.

I'm not sure why. I get a lot of joy out of writing. I like to organize my thoughts. And yet, my life has been very full. We moved in May (moving is a LOT of work, in case you didn't know). Then summer came on out of nowhere. 3 kids home all day long. I am SO blessed to be able to summer with them! Who else has a better job than that??? Boating, beaching, the pool, our new house has lots to do outside (fishing, quading, swimming, catching critters, exploring). We spent time with friends and each other. We made some new friends. We missed our old neighbors. We took a week at the beach with 18 of my favorite Hoekstras. We saw a Tiger's game. Ella and I spent some girl time in Chicago. We ate ice cream and biked and watched a LOT of Noah's baseball games (he played travel ball this year). I read a lot of books. I did a lot of grilling. I got a CSA box from the Farmer's Market every Wednesday. I even attempted to mow the lawn, and ran over a mole trap in the process. Opps!

The kids started school this week. Meta started Kindergarten. I followed his bus the first day (is that wierd??) and he literally BOUNCED down the steps, like he owned the place. He is going to LOVE school. I miss the kids while they're gone, but maybe now I'll write some more blog posts!

Ella turned 9 on Tuesday. Where does that time go? I swear I would give up years of my own life to slow it down a bit for my kids. These are great ages. I love being such a big part of their lives. Everyone said when they were babies time would fly. I didn't believe them. Now I do. I really really do.

And so, that's 5 months in a few short paragraphs. I'll write more later. Promise. And sorry for the lack of pictures. The internet out in the sticks is, well, let's just say it's less than ideal.

5

2011-03-03T14:39:00.003-05:00

Meta turns 5 today. We've been talking about his birthday since March 4th of last year (the day after his last birthday). This kid loves birthdays!

When we first came home from ET, we celebrated his sister's birthday. Then a bunch of cousins and neighbors and school friends. He wondered if it would ever be his turn. Then it was and he realized how quickly it went. So he started looking forward to 5. And today is the day!! I'm betting tomorrow we'll start talking about when he will turn 6. As frustrated as I get somedays with his constant "looking ahead", I know that I'm the same way too.

It's been a whirlwind year since birthday #4. It has been such a nice change to be done with the "firsts". To be honest, I'm enjoying this "2nd birthday in America" so much more than the first. We don't even call it that ... it's just Meta's 5th birthday. Last year was a big deal. His first birthday cake, his first birthday party, his first birthday gifts, and on and on and on. It's nice to be able to *just* do a 5th birthday, without all the pressure. Without all the explaining. It's nice to just be able to "be".

Although I've been here, done this once before; the day continues to be a bit of an anomoly for me. It's odd to not have been there on my son's birth day. I don't know what the weather was like, what time of day he was born, what he looked like, how he smelled, whether he cried or shrieked, how he ate or slept or pooped. I didn't get to be his Mom until he was 3. I don't even know what day he actually came into this world.

And so March 3 is kind of wierd for me. As much as my feelings for him are the same as the other 2, the birthday is not. I'm going to be celebrating in July when he will have been home 2 years. I'll celebrate the day we scooped him out of that orhpanage and fed him and bathed him and read to him and tucked him in that night. The day we threw a ball and watched videos and looked at pictures and sang songs. The day we smelled him and touched him and held him and whispered to him and even counted his toes. That's the day I celebrate.

We're going to Chuck E Cheese tomorrow with some of his friends. We bought him a gift and a cake and will sing "happy birthday" and snap pictures and do all the birthday stuff.

Every adoption story, no matter how great it is, includes loss. I used to not "get that" like I do now. Maybe you have to be in the story to really understand what the loss looks like, feels like, smells like; or maybe I'm just a slow learner. Either way, days like this remind me of some of that unique pain that adopted kids and families have to walk through. That is why, between you and me, I'm saving my celebrating for July.

The gift I can't Give

2010-12-06T11:03:00.002-05:00

There are so many ways to give this time of year. I've been wrapping gifts for my kids, buying stuff for friends and family. We're helping a single Mom from church buy gifts for her boys this year, the kids are collecting baby items for Lakeshore Pregnancy Center, we bought a few toys for a mom from Harbor House to give to her 1 year old son, we're helping stock the food pantry for families in Pullman, we brought food for our church's "meal deal". Lots of ways to help; lots of ways to give back; lots of ways to be a blessing to others.

And yet, as I scurry and hurry and buy and wrap, my heart is not as light as it used to be. There are a few gifts I SO YEARN to give and I can't.

Part of me is still in Ethiopia.

Sitting in a park with my son's mother.

Knowing she doesn't have much.

Knowing her daughter isn't in school.

Knowing food is hard to come by, not to mention clothes, shoes, medicines.

Chances are she isn't worried this Christmas about what to stuff in the stockings, or if she should prepare ham or turkey for Christmas dinner. She's not wondering what to give to her neice or father or cousin. She's not going to play Bingo or put a dollar in the kettle outside of the store. Her husband won't be building a fire on Christmas Eve and they won't gather around their Christmas Tree they cut down as a family.

Oh that I could send a few presents her way. Or better yet, invite her to sit at my table this Christmas. Oh that I could bless her just a fraction of the way she has blessed me. What a day that would be! The things we could talk about! Laugh about! Cry about! I'd love to hear what Meta was like as a baby. When he took his first steps. What he looked like with just a few baby teeth. I'd love to show her how joyful he is. How he loves his brother and sister. How well he's drawing, learning letters, singing songs, fitting in. How. Much. He. Is. Loved.

The thought of her leaves my heart aching. And the tears fall.

I know that the same God who looks down on me with love, is looking down on her. And so I continue to do as she asked me to ... when I pray for myself I pray for her as well. That she would be blessed. That she would be loved. That she would have her daily bread.

On days like this I give Felmata an extra kiss. I hold him a little longer. I recommit to teaching him as much as I can about Jesus, and continue to pray for his soul so that someday, we can all be reunited again. Because, for now, that's all I can do.

"He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; He will remove the disgrace of His people from all the earth" Isaiah 25:6-8

Family Meeting

2010-11-16T14:53:00.004-05:00

Sunday night I called a "family meeting". Just to gain a perspective, we have had 2 family meetings in 2010 that I can recall. Not a big practice around here. But Sunday night it had to be done. The topic: physical violence against family members. I am not joking. That was the topic.

Latley at our house the kids have taken to hitting, pushing, flicking, pinching and even what I would call "slugging". It is not pretty. And it's not just one ... it's all 3. I can assure you they did not learn this from their Mother!

We don't have a lot of rules around here. I figure that God only gave us 10 commandments ... so who am I to have a monster long list of "do nots". We try to major on the majors. My biggies are "no lying", "be respectful" & "be kind to others". If these rules are broken the consequences are usually pretty severe. I think it's fair to say that "acts of physical violence" against your brothers and sister would count as a "broken rule".

So, we gathered the kids and explained the problem. They agreed that there has been too much pushing, hitting, ect between them. They agreed with the discipline that was going to happen if it continues. They had a few questions though ...

"What if someone screams in my ear? Can I hit him then??" NO!

"What if someone pinches me? Can I kick her back?" NO!

"What if I see a slug bug and am playing the slug bug game and I slug someone?" uhhhh ... Paul? You wanna take this one?

"What if I do a "physical violence" but it was an accident?" Will I get disciplined then?" YES!

"What if he calls me annoying? That's not very nice. Can I scream in his ear?" NO!

Thankfully we haven't had to enforce the discipline yet. I'm hopeful yet also realize it IS only Tuesday.

Fall and other stuff

2010-11-12T16:05:00.008-05:00

So sorry to all the bloggers out there. I have been delinquent. When my kids were small(er) Moms of older kids would tell me the busyness I was feeling was just the tip of the iceburg. I used to think when my kids were in school full time, then I would have more time to pursue stuff I enjoyed. What I didn't realize, was that while certain hours of the day would be "less busy", life as a whole gets more and more and more complicated. There are much bigger, more pressing demands for my time, my energy, my attention, my mind, my car, my money...you get the point. And, not only do I have 2 active "school aged kids" I also have a preschooler I spend hours and hours with during my "less busy" hours. Ha! All that to say, among other things, my blog hasn't been first priority lately.

It's been a fun fall around here. I'll attach a couple of pics to show you what I mean. And I promise another update real soon.

MVP

2010-10-06T13:08:00.004-04:00

This week at school Noah is the "MVP". His teacher sets up a week for each student when they get to share with the class all kinds of cool things. A favorite CD to play during lunch. A devotion to share with their class. A poster with cool pictures about themselves. A guessing jar. A special "show" time. Along with that, a parent can write a letter to their child to be read. Here's what we wrote....

Dear Noah,

There are so many things your Dad and I love about you.
We love your kind and generous heart.
We love your desire to obey God and your parents.
We love how your smile reaches all the way up to your eyes.
We love how you think about others, and have a lot of courage to stand up for what is right.
We love how you are a leader out on the ball diamond and football field. You never give up. We love that!

I like to tell you this “story”. I hope it doesn’t embarrass you, but even if it does, I think every one of your friends needs to hear it too. Because I bet their parents feel the same way about them.

If God lined up a million kids in front of us …. Some of them short, some tall, some with really big muscles, some who never disobeyed or talked back to their Mom. Some really really good at reading with perfect AR scores every time. Some who got all 25 words right on their spelling test every week. Some beautiful piano players. Some future NLF stars. Some future preachers and scientists and astronauts. And then if God said … “You can pick any of these kids to be yours.” We would look and look and look until we found YOU. There is only one of you Noah. And God gave YOU to US. We think we got the best “pick” of all!! You might not be perfect, but we would choose you every single time. You are going to make mistakes and mess up and not always do what we like. But, we would still chose you every single time. No matter what. We love you and are proud of you and are so thankful every day that you are our son.

Love Mom and Dad

My Best Girl

2010-08-29T21:41:00.003-04:00

This is my girl Ella JoAnne. She turns 8 tomorrow. It's also the first day of school for her. Big Day all around. On the day she was born I was secretly nervous I could never love another child like my first (Noah). Boy was I wrong. Really Really Wrong. The second I held her in my arms I felt a rush of love that was powerful, primal and eternal. I have never been the same. She makes me a better person. Every day. She makes the world a better place. Every day. To quote one of my favorite books "There is no me without her".

At her party today, we had her grandmas, grandpas, aunts & uncles go around and say one thing they loved or appreciated about Ella. There was quite a list. Here are just a few of the things we blessed her with ...

*I love how your smile reaches up to your eyes. Your smile is especially beautiful. So often when I look at you you are smiling.
*You are such a good reader. You read book after book to your cousin, and for being in 3rd grade you are smooth and comfortable and excellent at reading.
*You are a thinker. You are always thinking about what's going on around you. You are even thinking today about what you're going to wear to school tomorrow. Keep on being a thinker. It will serve you well.
*I love how you like to talk. Almost everytime I see you you're talking to someone about something. Even when you stay at my house I hear you talking to your brother late at night.
*You are a good sister and I love you
*You have a love for God and Jesus. I see you reading your Bible often; without being told. You make good decisions and I love how you've asked Jesus to be your God.
*You are the oldest girl cousin. You don't have a lot of cousins your own age who are girls, and yet you don't complain about that. You act as an excellent role model for the younger girls in our family.
*You are an awesome friend. You have a lot of friends and a lot of good friends. You treat other girls with kindness and goodness and are a lot of fun to be around. I hope this is true for the rest of your life.
*You make me feel loved when I'm with you.

I couldn't have said it better myself! Happy Birthday to my Best girl! I pray God gives you many many many more!

What's in a name?

2010-08-23T10:10:00.002-04:00

Saturday night we were able to gather with the group we traveled to Ethiopia with. It was so fun to see how much changing all 4 boys have done in just 1 year. They all looked so alive and healthy and adorable! I wasn't surprised, and yet it reminded me once again the power of family. And food. And security. And hope. It's remarkable really.

We met at an Ethiopian restaurant. It turns out the man who owns the place lived just 18 miles from where Felmata was born. And speaks his native language!! When Sam spoke to Meta in Oromo Meta just looked at him. "Say it again!" he shouted. But, saying it again didn't help. Meta followed Sam around most of the night and kept asking him "say something else in Ormo!" It seems that Felmata has lost all of his original language. This was sad to me, and to him as well. We knew it would happen eventually ... as there is no one in his life for him to "practice" with, but I was surprised that just a year later he didn't recognize any of it.

The best part of the night for us came when Sam asked us if we knew what "Felmata" means. I have researched and asked and questioned several Ethiopians to no avail. No one seemed to know what his name meant (I think this is because most of the people we met were from the Capital and not from the Oromio region). Sam smiled a little grin and said Felmata means "prone to argue". Oh boy! We laughed and laughed and laughed. If you know Meta at all, you know why we laughed. Let's just say his birthmother had amazing intuition. We'll just leave it at that! :)

Lifting my head...

2010-08-19T18:05:00.005-04:00

Sometimes when the dishes are done, the kids are tucked in and kissed good night, the "estate has been locked down" (as my husband likes to joke); my thoughts are not so easily put to bed. Sometimes I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow. Sometimes I do not.

Sometimes my mind runs a little wild. I ask questions. To whom I'm not sure. But I ask questions. Do we have milk for breakfast? Will the clothes I left in the washing machine be stinky by morning (OK ... by late afternoon)? Is the garage door shut? Will I lose my parents at too young of an age? Will my (adopted) son ever grow to resent me ... his "2nd" mother? When was the last time that ceiling fan was cleaned? Will my daughter tell me when she's hurt ... scared ... lonely? Did I insult my friend with my words? Does my husband really love me ... for real? Am I a "good enough" sister/daughter/friend/wife/mother/employee/neighbor
/PERSON?

Today I was once again reminded of God's Words to me. He wants me to look up. Not back. Not ahead. But up. He wants me to be present in today. To smell the fresh cut grass. To love my children right where they are. To love as if I'll never be hurt. To tear down walls. To seek Him. To listen to that still small voice and obey.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep having questions. Questions are just part of who I am. But I love how the psalmnist reminds me to look up .... "But YOU, oh Lord, are a shield about me; my glory, and the lifter of my head."

Thanks, Lord, for reminding me to lift my head, and for being there in the midst of all of my questions. There is NONE like You!

One Year Later...

2010-07-20T10:35:00.010-04:00

One year ago we were attempting to adjust to our new family of 5. Felmata was dazed and excited and exhausted by this new place called "America". So much has changed in just one short (okay ... sometimes super long) year!

Felmata prefers peanut butter sandwhiches with NO CRUSTS over injera (an ET staple)

Felmata loves dogs. In particular, one adorable welsh terrier named Edi.

Felmata has a sister and brother he adores. He thanks God for them often. The best part is ... the feeling is mutual!

Felmata has a daddy who reminds him often that he'll never leave our family.

Felmata has neighbor friends and school friends and church friends who think he rocks!

Felmata is fluent in the English language. He can recognized all the letters ... and their sounds!

Felmata has grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles and cousins who love him like he's always been part of our family.

Felmata knows he is wanted. He is loved. He was chosen. He will never be abandoned again.

Felmata has hope for a future.

Felmata knows who Obama is and finds great joy in the fact that the leader of the free world has "brown skin".

Felmata can ride a 2 wheel bike with no training wheels. Although stopping is an issue, it doesn't matter to him!

Felmata has a Mom who is humbled and honored and amazed at the fact that she gets to be a part of his life.

Here we are one year ago outside of the orphanage in Addis Ababa Ethiopia. So much has changed! We are excited for what the next year has in store for this amazing child who has brought so much joy into our home!

Well Rested

2010-07-13T12:16:00.013-04:00

We were once again blessed to spend a week up in northern Michigan with our extended family.

We did lots of beach time, lots of pool time, lots of lawn games, lots of catching up, lots of laughs, lots of eating. It was fun to spend time with our family. The kids had a blast being with their cousins for a whole entire week. Felmata wants to know why we can't move to Manistee and live there forever!

We are well rested and ready to continue summer full speed ahead.

I'm posting a few pictures from our week. I promised the rest of the family I would use pics of them for "personal use only" which does not include my blog! I can say this much ... we had 10 adults and 10 kids under the age of 10, with one more on the way. We were a loud bunch!

this. boy. loves. summer.

2010-06-16T20:47:00.002-04:00

Schools out for SUMMER!

2010-06-09T10:46:00.002-04:00

Can you hear the song in your head?? I've been humming it all morning! At 11:30 today; my 2 kids will have completed another year of school. Schools out for summer! Yippeee!

I have never understood the moms that dread this day. It used to be so exciting when it was me getting let out for summer, and I still get that same excited, "I've got the world by the tail", feeling. I know that kids home all summer intrudes on my time. It intrudes on my clean house. My grocery budget has to be increased (drastically!). BUT, I get to spend long, lazy afternoons at the pool. Or the beach! I can put my alarm clock away for 3 whole months! I don't have to nag about homework. I get to take advantage of the "fun stuff" I am blessed to be able to do.

Yup ... I'll have to mediate arguments. I'll have to nag about the chore chart. I'll have to bite my tongue and not say what I'd LIKE to say when I hear those dreaded words ... "I'm bored". But along with all of that, I'll get to spend extended time with and pour into the lives of 3 of the most important people in my life. They really do grow up so fast, and I'm going to try and enjoy every moment of our moments together.

I'll need to re-read this post in a few days when the nostalgia wears off. Probably several times a day! And soon enough you'll probably witness me rolling my eyes, or not being patient, or forgetting that I was excited to have them home ALL. THE. TIME. They will drive me crazy and I will drive them crazy and I'll be equally excited for school to start in September ... BUT, for today at least, I'm giddy with excitement that schools out for summer!

Tulips are Blooming in Holland. Michigan.

2010-05-06T11:11:00.008-04:00

it's not good for (wo)man to be alone

2010-04-29T11:57:00.002-04:00

I was able to spend a long, uninterupted night with a friend I haven't seen in awhile. Over root chips and pizza and a little vino we talked and laughed and even brushed away a few tears. As I was driving home it reminded me once again why it's not good for "man" to be alone.

We reluctantly admitted that it's been almost 2 years since we've seen each other. There was a time when we saw each other almost every day. And then life moved on. We quit our (mutual) jobs, we ended up living in different cities, we became moms. Life moved on. But, thankfully, our friendship has not. It's always fascinating to me that when we are able to get together, it seems like we pick up right where we left off. I'm thankful for that. And for her. Because I know she is a friend for life.

It is healing for me to laugh with a friend. It is refreshing to be reminded that life is hard for others too. It is good for my soul to be reminded that people (who don't have to!) like me. It's good for me to connect with friends I really like being around ... just because.

I used to think that having (girl)friends was a luxury. That my family and my job and my husband and my t0-do list were all really important, but making time for myself with friends was sort of optional. Or indulgent. Or just not that crucial. As I'm getting older and life is busier and more complicated and at times way harder than anyone told me it would be; I'm realizing that it is not a luxury. It is good for me. It restores me. It makes me a better person. And I need it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep "needing it" for the rest of my life.

Sweet Boy!

2010-04-25T08:24:00.003-04:00

As you may or may not have read in my previous post, we had great plans for this weekend. But, you know how the saying goes "the best laid plans of man..." I have been reminded of that these last 2 days.

Friday morning I had a sore throat. As the day progressed, it got worse, but nothing could keep me away from a night on the town with friends and Carrie Underwood. So, I popped a few advil and set out for an amazing night.

I'm so glad I did. As much as I love Carrie's music, I had no idea that she shared her faith in Jesus so openly. Several of her songs, "Jesus take the Wheeel" and "This is not our Temporary Home" led me to believe she had an active faith, and yet lots of country artists have similar songs. At the concert as she was belting the final measures of "Jesus take the Wheel", the music shifted into an amazing rendition of "How Great Thou Art". I've gotta tell ya ... to see the "Country Music Entertainer of the Year" (twice!) standing in front of a packed VanAndel Arena with her arms in the air worshipping the God of the Universe; it was awesome! I had planned on having a fun night out; and that I did. But I also left with a greater appreciation for our God who gives talent to everyday folks like Carrie, and then uses her to help people like me worship Him more fully.

Needless to say, by the end of Friday night I had no voice left at all. That has never happened to me before, and it's been just a little frustrating. I have lots to say; and no voice to say it! (maybe that's why this post is getting a little long ... I can "speak" with no voice!) :)

Saturday I woke up with a sore throat the likes of which I've never felt before. I knew something was not right; so I headed to the ZCH Urgent Care. (big shout out to the professionals over there...they actually make Urgent Care *almost* a pleasant experience .... thanks ladies!) I left with some antibiodics, steriods and the diagnosis of a bacterial infection similar to strep. Went home, slept, watched Noah and Ella play their baseball and softball games, and slept some more.

This weekend has not gone exactly as planned, but like I said in my last post; I'm trying to take each moment as it comes, and enjoy it. Maybe that's why this meant so much to me. As I woke from one of my 2 naps on Saturday (they said gets lots of rest!) ... this is what greeted me from my nightstand...

My sweet "baby" boy climbed the blossoming tree in the backyard, and picked these flowers for me. Climbed on the counter to get down 3 glasses. Then snuck in my room and placed them on my nightstand. What can I say? I've gotten lots of dandoliens in my day, and even a few beautiful rocks, but never has one of my kids been this artistic. I'm going to keep them there for as long as I can. It's a great reminder that even when things don't go as I've planned ... there could still be fanastic moments in store for me ... I just have to open my eyes to see them. Love you Felmata! Thanks for making my day!

Great Weekend Ahead...

2010-04-23T09:45:00.003-04:00

I love this time of year. So much to choose from. So much to do. All in the beautiful sunshine and among the blossoms all around. Beautiful!

I get to have lunch with Felmata, my sister and neice today. At a new restaurant I've been wanting to try ; Zoup! Maybe in between dropped sippies, a gazillion "hey moms!" and wiping sticky hands Julie and I will be able to have a conversation. If not, it's all good. Love spending time with them regardless of the content of the talks.

Paul bought me tickets to Carrie Underwood tonight. The 2 of us along with 2 great friends. And I have a new shirt to wear! So excited!!

Opening Day of Little League is on Saturday! Noah and Ella both have games ... at the same time. Can't wait to see their teams come together after weeks of practice. Love spring sports!

Church on Sunday ... topic = fear. I struggle with fear. Can't wait to hear what Pastor Jim has to say on the topic. I imagine it will be something along the lines of "Do not fear". Just a guess though :)

Greeting on Sunday. I love welcoming families, singles, couples, teens, old and young into a place filled with hope. Good times!

Lunch with my family Sunday after church. Maybe a little ping pong too.

Amazing Race Sunday night. After last week's break (CMA Awards) we're ready to cheer on the cowboys.

I often need to remind myself to stop and enjoy life day by day. I struggle with always looking ahead to the "next big thing". This weekend, I'm going to pause in between the stuff and enjoy the moments as they come. This is my life. And I'm going to live it! Great weekend ahead!

Spring Break

2010-04-12T13:33:00.012-04:00

We just returned home from a fantastic 10 day spring vacation. We spent a few days/nights at Disney World, then headed to a week long beach vacation on Captiva Island. Felmata had been asking for weeks when we were going to "Florida". As my neighbor put it, he really had no idea what "Florida" actually was, but he knew it must be good! I'm pretty sure Florida did not disappoint! This morning he asked if we could go back next week.

We all had a fantastic time exploring new adventures, re-visiting some old ones, and basically just spending time with eachother. I'm pretty sure Felmata's expectations of "good" were met all the way around!

Now it's back to reality for all of us. Which is good too. Back to school, back to work, back to laundry and cooking dinner every night. Felmata started swimming lessons today which was fun.

Here are a few pictures of our time together.

Signs

2010-03-19T21:19:00.012-04:00

Signs of spring have been all around this week

(it is NOT procrastination to wait until March to put away Christmas lights ... I think it's just plain smart, but I was born with parents who did everything right on time so maybe there's just a touch of guilt...maybe...)

the tulips and daffodils are starting to sprout

the afternoons have been warm and sunny and we've spent lots of time playing outside

the weatherman says we are in for snow tomorrow ... so along with the emerging tennis rackets and bikes and flip flops, this remains as well ...

BUT ... very VERY soon ... it will all be put in a box for another year ... and the thought of saying good-bye to a cold, grey winter makes me almost giddy!

10 years ago ... 1 year ago ...

2010-03-16T16:08:00.008-04:00

March 16 is a big day for our family.

10 years ago, March 16 2000, our spunky, fun loving, kind hearted son entered the world. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and it felt like spring. Our lives haven't been the same since. That day we were filled to the brim with a love we had only heard about before. A love that was truly unconditional. A love that has grown and overwhelmed us and continues to change us. This child is mine, and the depths of my love for him still surprise me. He is mine, and yet he is his own as well.

That was 10 years ago.

One year ago, on March 16 2009, it was a beautiful day as well. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the kids were playing outside in the warm afternoon sun; and then the phone rang. "We have a little boy we'd like to you to consider. Shall I tell you about him? Would you like me to email his picture?" We laid our eyes on Felmata Judah Hoekstra for the very first time. 1 year ago today.

Our lives haven't been the same since. That day we were filled to the brim with a love we had only heard about before. A love that was truly unconditional. A love that has grown, and overwhelmed us and continues to change us. Continues to change our family. This child is mine, and the depths of my love for him still surprise me. He is mine, and yet he is his own as well.

Happy March 16 Team Brother! I love this day!!

Birth-Day

2010-03-04T10:22:00.004-05:00

Throughout the last 7 months that Felmata has been home with us, I have been surprised at how many similarities there are to raising Noah and Ella. It would seem like more would be differences, but in actuality, our life together as mother and son has been more the same than different. There have been some unique struggles and also unique accomplishments, but our day to day has been similar to how it was when my other 2 kids were this age.

Yesterday was an exception. It was Felmata's 4th Birthday. Not really his birth-day; but the day that is recorded on his legal documents as his date of birth. We don't know the actual day he was born, so through some research, the little information we had, input from the kids, and some figurative dart throwing; we came up with a birthday of 3/3/06.

On Noah and Ella's birthdays, we often tell stories about what that day was like. How we were feeling (excited! nervous! filled with joy!). What the weather was like. What the nurses said (most beautiful baby ever!). I am instantly taken back to that day; and how it changed me forever. I can pull up those 2 days as if they happened just an hour ago.

3/3/06 has absoutley no memories for me. I don't know where I was on that day, or what the weather was like, or what the nurses said (if there even WERE nurses!). It wasn't even the day he was born.

Yesterday I felt a sense of loss. I will never know the details surrounding Felmata's birth. It's a strange, unnatural feeling.

We have 2 big parties planned for this weekend. Every 4 year old should celebrate another year of life. And celebrate we will!

I'll make the cake (shaped like a fire truck!), and sing happy birthday, and run the video camera and do all the "mom birthday things" ... but in my heart it's not quite the same.

More than this weekend, I am looking forward to 7/15/10. Because on 7/15/09 I met my son for the very first time. I lifted him high in the air and kissed him and hugged him and gave him a great big teddy bear. He called me "Mama" and didn't want me to set him down. The nannies cried as he left; and it's no wonder why. We had a strange pizza lunch, and french fries with ketchup and then played with a ball all afternoon. We made symbols with our fingers of the airplane we were going to ride on. We slathered on lotion, and medicine on his ouchies. We sang songs together and giggled and looked at pictures of his new life in America. We drank water out of a bottle! We lined up our shoes, and didn't let them out of our sight. We laid down that night; exhausted but elated to be together at last.

Those are the memories I will cherish. That is the day that I can truly celebrate. Even if it's just for me.

7 Months

2010-02-20T13:45:00.007-05:00

As of February 18 Felmata has been home with us for 7 months. Most days it's difficult to remember life without him. He continues to be an emormous source of joy and laughter in our house. He is growing and changing and becoming more and more American. There are days when I long for him to sing me a song in Oromo (his native language), but he just looks at me and giggles. As much as I'd hoped he would mantain his Ethiopian heritage, it is becoming more difficult. I bought him some injera (a very common food in ET) a while back, and he declared he'd rather have PB&J ... with NO crusts. American indeed! I do allow him to drink coffee (gasp!), only because it's truly the only thing left of Ethiopia in his world.

We have been sending our quarterly reports back to Ethiopia, where we're required to answer lots of questions about his progress, and also include pictures. I've also included with the reports an additional envelope filled with pictures for his birth mom. I have no way to know if she gets them or not, but I sure hope she does. I had some contact with our agency lately, and they asked the question for me. Our contact is Ethiopia assured me that she "definetly gets the pictures". I can barely allow my mind to go to what that must be like.

I hope when she looks at them she can see that he is well. That he is loved. That he is our child; just as much as Noah and Ella. And that we are doing as we promised we would. She remains in my heart and thoughts more often than I had thought she would. This woman who is so different than me, and yet so much the same. This sister in Christ who I have spent 30 minutes with, and yet am connected by a bond that is stronger than most in my life. She remains in my heart.

Felmata has seen several pregnant ladies lately, and has asked me if he grew in my tummy too. I gently remind him of his ET Mom, and explain that while he didn't grow in my tummy, he grew in my heart. He loves this word picture and I do too; because it is so true.

To think that we flew all the way across the world, picked up this 3 year old child whom we had never met before, brought him into our home, our lives, our hearts. Just 7 months ago. And really truly love him like he's always been ours.

It is a miracle.

All in itself.

God didn't have to bless us this way. And yet He did.

And I am grateful.

Twists and Turns

2010-01-21T12:27:00.005-05:00

Life is unpredictable. You don't need to live long to realize that. It's especially unpredictable when a person chooses to live a life in obedience to God. When you walk in His footsteps, the path can be steep, unsteady, even dark and scary at times. But the amazing thing is that this amazing God of ours has walked the same path Himself. He knows where it leads and will walk with us all the way.

We know a few families who are in process of adopting children from Haiti. When you adopt a child, there is an instant network of friends you get to be a part of. Doesn't matter the country. So, we've been following their path just like they followed ours.

One friend in particular (they're listed under my blog list as "great adventures") had hoped their son would be home this past spring. But delay upon delay upon frustrating delay kept him in Haiti much longer than they had imagined. In the meantime, they began the process to adopt a little girl as well. The earthquake hit. Unimaginable fear and loss and anxiety. Their children are safe; yet so many are not.

Their path has taken a sudden, unexpected, beautiful turn. As God knew all along, those 2 kids are arriving into Miami today to be united with their new family. They had hoped their son would have been home by now, they knew their daughter was at least a year away; and now they'll all be together today! It is a breath of fresh air to see this kind of joy come out of all the devasation.

They, along with so many others, are on my heart today. The anticipation is almost too much to imagine. I pray their transition is a smooth one.

I also pray for the countless children around the world who are living life with a much different path than mine.

Anyone Else?

2010-01-06T14:52:00.003-05:00

Is anyone else out there ready for spring yet? Anyone sick of the slop and cold and wet socks? How about the stinky smelling gloves and hats and mittens that never seem to get quite dry enough? The garage floor that is a brownish yucky mess?

I am ... I'm sick of it already and it's only the beginning of January.

I'm thinkin it's going to be a looong winter.

It's 2010!

2010-01-04T19:10:00.003-05:00

Happy 2010 bloggers!

In some ways, it's hard to believe 2009 is done and gone. In other ways, it feels like it lasted forever! 2009 was a really "long" year for our family. I know each year has exactly 365 days in it, but in my life, some years seem to last longer than others. 2009 was a long one. It had more peaks and valleys than any other year I can remember. The mountain tops were brighter, but the valleys were darker.

We overcame some pretty big challenges, and are still waiting on the Lord to move in some others. We added another child to our family, and learned first hand that following God's promptings really does result in immeasurable joy. We struggled through a challenging economy, just like so many of you. In 2009 I learned what fear looks like, feels like, even tastes like and I also learned right along with it what it means to have strength and courage; and more importantly where it comes from. This year I saw injustice like I had only read about before.

There have been nights in 2009 that I've fallen into bed, with tears running down my cheeks so thankful for the amazing blessings I've been given. I've woken up some mornings not really feeling like getting out of bed to "do it all again". I've asked myself lots of questions ... like what am I supposed to be doing with my days, am I really making a difference to anyone, and all those questions I seem to ask when life gets mundane.

Yup ... there have been highs and lows and lots of days in between. And the best part has been, that I've never been alone. And I won't be in 2010 either. So, here's to another year!

A Very Merry Christmas!

2009-12-27T19:24:00.005-05:00

What a whirlwind of celebration we've experienced this past week! It has been such a blessing to experience all our traditions in a new, fresh way through Felmata's eyes. We've had lots of parties, spent time with all of our family (except Paul's brother and family who live in Boston ... we missed them!), opened lots of presents, sat around the fire and spent some time pondering what an amazing God we have. To think that He would chose to come down from heaven, take on the form of a human baby; all to die on a cross in order that we may have life.

Emmanual ... He truly is with us!

We're looking forward to a healthy 2010 with lots more exciting adventures.

Christmas (& other) Confusion

2009-12-22T12:14:00.004-05:00

So often we have to hold back the giggles as Felmata tells us something new he's learned. He has come such a long way with his English, and yet there is still a lot of confusion. We giggle because he reminds us (even though he's not trying to) the silly ways we use words.

Not too long ago my Dad was helping him into the car. Dad was getting ready to close the door and said "Felmata, watch your hands". So, Felmata looked down at his hands and watched them. And why not? That's what Grandpa said to do!

Last night at dinner we encouraged him to eat a few more bites. "I can't!", he said. "If I put anymore food in there my tummy will POP!" After a few more questions we figured out that he thinks if he eats too much his tummy will get bigger and bigger and then it will explode. An interesting concept...

Christmas has been the same way. As a family, we've never made a big deal out of Santa, and this year has been no different. With Felmata especially we've been focusing on the meaning of the season ... Jesus' Birthday. But, this is America, and so he's seen some Santa stuff here and there. This was our conversation from this morning...

"Ma ... I want to be awake when the reindeer bring Santa to our house."
"Well, honey, if Santa does come it will be at night when we're all asleep."
"But how will we watch him blow out the candles if we're sleeping?"
"What candles Meta?"
"The candles on Baby Jesus' birthday cake!"

Somewhere this past month he put 2 and 2 together and figured out that Santa will come on Christmas Eve and blow out the candles on Jesus' birthday cake. Hmmmm I guess we have a little more explaining to do!

Where is Baby Jesus?!?

2009-12-17T12:59:00.006-05:00

This is my blog which means I get to write about whatever I want to write about. And so, I'd like to ask the question where is Baby Jesus? Seriously. Isn't it almost CHRISTmas? I get that our country has secularized the heck out of this holiday, but still, it is still a celebration of Jesus' birth for those of us who are Christians, right??

Here's where I'm coming from. I am hosting a little neighborhood Christmas party on Monday. We're doing a birthday party for Baby Jesus. I'm asking each child to bring a picture of themselves as babies, then we'll do a show and tell about how we ALL were babies once, even Jesus. I want to put a "picture" of Baby Jesus in the center of the board, and have the kids place their pictures around it. For a 3 year old, it will be a good visual that Jesus actually WAS a baby!

Which brings me to my discovery ... where to find a "picture" of Baby Jesus? I went to the local card shop. One would think there would be a card out there somewhere with a picture of the manager on it. I looked and looked and looked again. I saw santas and snow flakes and trees and presents and lights and reindeer and beautiful flowers and candles and snowmen but not one card with a manger and the baby on it. Not one. Maybe I'm terribly naive but this has shocked me a little. And I think it should.

And then I look around my house. And there are santas and snow flakes and and trees and presents and lights and reindeer and beautiful flowers and candles and snowmen and yes, a baby Jesus, too.

Traditions aren't bad. But I hope I can regain a renewed determination to keep the Christ in Christmas. And if the card stores don't want to, then so be it. But at our house this year we're not going to forget what exactly it is we're celebrating. The birthday of our risen Savior, Jesus Christ.

And if I sound politically incorrect, I'm not going to apologize. Cuz like I said, this is my blog. And it's Christmas. Jesus' Birthday. And I think He should be prevalent in the celebration. It just makes sense.

Winter is Here!

2009-12-07T21:11:00.009-05:00

It's December in Michigan which means snow! Felmata has been praying "please God, send snow SOON!" for a few weeks now. Last week, his prayer was answered. We have snow! He was practically jumping out of his skin when it arrived. He ran outside bare foot, and then discovered how cold it is! Paul made a fire that night, and the kids would run out to catch flakes in their mouths, then sit and warm up by the fire.

The Christmas activities have begun. I just love this time of year. So much celebrating with family and friends. So many traditions. So much to be thankful for. Each year it is a joy experiencing Christmas through the eyes of my kids. This year will be that way too. It's already been so fun to explain Christmas to Felmata. From the telling the story of the birth of baby Jesus, to the decorating of the tree, to the gifts and lights and time spent with family; Felmata has been loving every minute.

Paul took Ella for the 2nd year to the Winning at Home Father Daughter Winter Ball this past weekend. They had a blast. They danced to the song "Cinderella" tons of Hannah Montana and Mitchell Musso. The chocolate fountain was a big hit! Ella laid in bed that night with a huge smile on her face. It's going to take a really special guy to live up to the standards her Daddy is setting!

Where are the Feathers?

2009-11-28T15:52:00.002-05:00

We had a fantastic day on Thursday. There really is nothing better than my Mom's Thanksgiving meal. She's been doing it for years, and has it down to perfection. I'm a sucker for tradition, and Thanksgiving with my family is all about that.

Felmata and I had been talking about Thanksgiving all week. We read lots of books, so he could be "caught up" on what it is we do. ie... eat turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie. Go to Grandma's house. Go bowling (we've been doing that for years ... kinda wierd but tradition is tradition, and it's kinda fun to have an activity after lunch). As we read and talked and anticipated, he had lots of important questions ... like how would Nana put the stuffing into the turkey? I answered the only way I could think of ... through it's butt. Opps ... he has been repeating that one with a little grin to anyone who will listen. Not sure why I didn't think of "through the turkey's neck"!

He also made me promise to see the turkey before we ate it. No problem!

When we got to Grandma's house, he ran to the kitchen. Me see the turkey! We opened the oven and he was quite disappointed. Apparently he wanted to see the turkey BEFORE it was dead. The next best thing was to see the feathers and the head. "Nana! I want to see the feathers!" Then we had to explain that the store took the feathers and head off before we bought the turkey. Bummer! I get why he thought it would be alive ... in a lot of the Africa we've seen families have a little chicken in a little fence, which they would eventually kill and eat. No wonder he wanted to see the head and feathers.

After his first bite we asked what he thought ... "tastes like chicken" was his comment.

To make a perfect day a near fairy tale to one Ethiopian American, just as we were fitting the last bites of food into our tummys, my Dad said "Look outside! Here come the turkeys!" Nearly 2 dozen turkeys were making their way around the backyard. Right outside the window. Felmata and Noah ran outside where Felmata attempted to catch a turkey for "next time". No so luck, but the look on his face is something that I will remember for a long time. For all he knows ... chasing turkeys for "next time" is just part of the family tradition.

Happy Thanksgiving little buddy! I hope all of them are as magical as this one was. Now ... onto Christmas!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T19:30:00.010-05:00

Oh how I love Thanksgiving. It is such a great time to reflect and look ahead. It is tradition. It is family. It is good food. It is a reminder of all that I have been given. It is another chance to say " thanks" for all the things I haven't "earned", but cherish with all my heart. My God has been so good to me; and I am thankful.

I am thankful for a God who knows better than I do what I need. I am thankful for a living, adventurous God who doesn't allow me to coast through life, but challenges me to grow and change and thrive. I'm thankful that when storms come my way, Jesus wants me to row, but also gets in the boat with me.

I am thankful for a husband who loves his God, his family and his work. I get to be married to a man who shares from his heart and wants to look into mine. I am thankful that we are learning to be our "true selves" with each other.

I am thankful for healthy kids with different personalities. I have been blessed with 3 children who not only bring laughter and joy into my life, but who challenge me and stretch me and make me a better person.

I am thankful for my parents who are proud of me and still remind me of that, even though I'm 33 years old. I am thankful for in-laws who support my role in our family and cheer us on with each new "adventure". I am thankful for a father-in-law who calls me just to say I'm doing a "good job".

I am thankful for 2 sisters who knew me when I was at my worst, and still love me anyway. It is an amazing blessing to not only love but also like your siblings.

I am thankful for friendships that have gone deeper this year. I am grateful for women in my life who are willing to be real and authentic and allow me to be too (even when it's ugly).

None of these things I have earned. None of them are mine. I don't possess them. I try to hold them loosely, knowing that my hope comes from above. But oh, for the moment, I am so grateful to the One who has given them to me.

Hope & A Future

2009-11-22T19:55:00.005-05:00

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future" Jeremiah 29:11

This weekend we publically dedicated Felmata to the Lord. Obviously we did this a long time ago in our hearts, but this was the night we stood up in front of family and friends and declared it out loud. We chose Jeremiah 29:11 to be read for Felmata. This is a verse I "claimed" for Felmata long ago.

I so believe that God has good plans for my son ... plans to give him hope and a future. It is a sobering job, this thing called Motherhood. It is filled with ups and downs and fear and joy and pride and regret and so much more.

More than all of that, in the middle of all of that, really, there is my God who promises not only for me, but for my children as well, that He will never leave us. That He has plans for us, and those plans are good. And because of that promise, and His love that never changes, I can take the ups and downs and fears and regrets, and also the joys and laughter and hugs, and I can wake up each morning with eagerness to do my job the best that I can. I have my part, and God has His, and for that I am thankful this year!

Like Nothing I've Ever Seen...

2009-11-09T23:00:00.002-05:00

Today was a normal Monday, other than Noah and Ella had off from school for conferences. On Mondays I get groceries; today was no different. Other than what I experienced at Meijer was like nothing I've ever seen before ... ever.

Noah and Ella have had their share of tantrums. Not large. Not long. But they've each had fits over not getting their way. Felmata has had his share, too. But I've never seen one like this ... even from somebody else's child. Never. In all of my life. And I've seen some pretty ugly tantrums.

We were wrapping up our shopping. Noah brought a few of his own dollars to buy a tech deck. Felmata wanted a toy, too. I explained that he got a new toy just this past Saturday, and that Noah was using his own money. The tantrum began. It was manageable, but that's where it started. We headed for the check out, kicking, yelling, crying, but still, mostly manageable. A little embarassing, yes, but no big deal. I have thick skin. An older Mom smiled as she passed and encouraged me to "stay strong".

At the same time the tantrum began, Felmata was clutching his Little Debbie brownies. I let the kids each pick a Little Debbie snack for later. See ... I'm not really a mean Mom.

Anyway, as the kicking, yelling, crying continued, Felmata made the choice to throw his brownies over the edge of the cart. "That'll show you" was the look on his face. "I don't think so" was the look on mine.

This is the part where it got really really ugly. I picked up the brownies off from the floor, and simply put them back on the shelf. I'm not going to tolerate food being thrown out of the grocery cart. Tantrum or not.

The yelling became louder. The kicking got stronger. The crying more intense. The spitting began. During flu season. My child was spitting on everything he could get to. And on and on and on.

2 store employees stopped to ask if they could help. Shoppers left their aisles to find out what the racket was. Several women stopped their carts completely to stare. Literally just stood and stared.

What was I to do? Abandon my cart and leave the store? Reason with a totally out of control child? I tried a time out in the shoe aisle to no avail. Should I just try and get through the checkout super fast? I picked option 3. I hurried to the checkout.

Where, you guessed it, I saw not 1, not 2, but 3 people I knew. 2 pretended not to see me. Although I could see them walking a little quicker as I got closer.

With tears streaming down my face, I quickly loaded my groceries, paid my bill, and started to head for the door. When person #3 chose to get into my chaos for a second. My friend Missi stopped what she was doing, walked over to me (now she was being stared at, too) and gave me the biggest bear hug I've gotten in a very long time. It wasn't a pat on the shoulder, a "poor you", kind of hug. She hugged me until I let go, and whispered what a good Mom I was.

The last few years I've often times made my outings to Meijer an intentional place to show some love. Often when I'm there, I'm looking for people to extend a smile to. I try to make conversation with the cashiers. Try to ask about their lives. Often I let frazled moms go ahead of me in line. I feel like I can be Jesus for just a second to someone I run into. I feel like maybe a small gesture could brighten someone's day.

Today the tables were turned. I'm not sure Missi will ever know how thankful I was that God had her right there, right then, and that she chose to walk into my world for just a second, and be Jesus to me.

I cried most of the way home. Not because I was frustrated, or embarassed, or angry. But because someone showed such kindness, and I felt such love.

Life is hard sometimes. It's not always easy being a Mom. But how much brighter the world looks when someone chooses to walk across the aisle and share a little of the burden.

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-02T20:42:00.005-05:00

We had a great Halloween weekend filled with friends, family, neighbors and lots and lots of candy. What's not to love about that?!?

Felmata and I have been reading books about Halloween for a few weeks. So, when the big day arrived, he pretty much knew what to expect. Costume, knock on doors, say trick or treat, get candy. What he didn't realize was that the candy was HIS and he got to take it home and EAT it.

Every house he stopped at he would turn to Paul and say "All done Daddy?" Paul would say "Nope, let's keep going". His reply? "YIPEEE!!"

Today he said "Tomorrow should be Halloween too Mom". Sorry buddy, tomorrow is just an ordinary Tuesday with laundry on the task list. I think it's time to start reading about Christmas!

Here's a few pics from the weekend.

Noah the Nerd...

Ella aka Hannah Montana
Felmata the "friendly" lion. He refused to say "ROOOAR" but chose instead to say "meow".

I so Happy Mom!

2009-10-26T12:44:00.002-04:00

It's a cold, rainy day in Michigan today. Felmata and I spent part of the morning snuggled under the fleace blanket, reading books. About 5 minutes into our snuggle, he looked up at me with those big bright eyes and said...

"I so happy Mom"!

I so happy too Felmata ... What a joy you are to me.

3 Months

2009-10-19T20:41:00.009-04:00

Fall has arrived in West Michigan, and for a child from Ethiopia ... It's COLD! Almost every day Felmata steps outside these days he says "MA! Isss coooold!" Oh sweet boy, you have no idea. He loves reading books about snow, it looks so fun. I'm afraid some of the joy of snow is going to be diminished by the sheer brutality of the wind/ice/sleet that is surely on it's way.

We were treated once again by my parents to a fun weekend away at a cottage. The highlight of this for Felmata (besides for all the great family time) was the chance to go fishing. He caught 2 fish, and it was pretty clear he had done that before. It is so strange to not know what your child has experienced in his earlier life. I suppose this is a feeling I should be getting used to, but I'm not sure I ever will. It's not natural to not know about your child's earlier years. As Felmata's English improves, we are beginning to get clearer glimpses into his early life. He tells us certain things about Ethiopia. But, he's only 3, so I know a lot of those memories will fade and be lost forever. I hate that! Maybe that's why I'm trying to capture as much as I can of his new life here in America.

We continue to be amazed at the progress Felmata is making. He is learning colors, shapes, letters and their sounds, and lots and lots of English words. He is beginning to get much pickier about food, goes to bed like a champ and loves loves loves his brother and sister. Each morning before school, he insists on praying by the back door with Noah and me before Noah leaves for the bus. If he hates anything, it's being left out.

It's now officially 3 months since Felmata joined our family, but to be honest, it feels like he's been a part of us for much longer than that. I thank God every day for the love He has placed in my heart for this child of His.

Touchdowns, Cartwheels & Balloons

2009-09-20T13:25:00.008-04:00

I sometimes get sick of saying "WOW! What a busy week we had". I try so hard to create a home and schedule for Paul and the kids that isn't busy, but rather refreshing, rejuvinating, and restful. And yet, what a busy week we've had! I'm beginning to realize that even though we are a busy family, we are busy with good things, and so I'm starting to adjust my expectations a bit. When I look into their eyes, I still see light, peace and joy. So, we're going to keep on keeping on, and enjoying stuff as it comes.

It is fall, and at our house that means Football and Soccer!

Ella played her first game of the season on Tuesday. The "Candy Bashers" had a great first game. Ella had a lot of fun. I think the highlight for her was the cartwheels she perfomed in the goal. Ahh, Ella. She does not have her brother's competitive nature, but she sure knows how to have fun. She's the kind of kid who really believes it's not about winning or losing, but it's about having a good time that matters most.

Which brings me to Noah. He had his 1st football game of the season on Saturday. The "Mud Dogs" won 12 -6 and Noah scored one of the touchdowns for the team. His first ever ... and hopefully not his last. I can not even explain the joy on his face as he ran across that line. This kid loves sports with every part of his being. He also loves to win! He was awake at 6:30 Saturday morning thinking about the game. It's fun to see him so dedicated and passionate about something. The lessons he has learned and is learning on and off the field/s will do him well someday.

Bedtimes at our house have quieted down! Praise God for that! I can not put into words how big of a victory this past week has been. We have finally found the "formula" for Felmata, or maybe he's just learning to trust us more? Whatever it is, we've now gone 7 nights successfully with no screaming, no fits, just a simple bedtime routine with a book, prayers, kisses and the closet light on. Can I hear a hallelujah!!!!!

I got to have a little fun this week, too! For Christmas, Paul's employees gave us a hot air balloon ride. The pilot called this week and wondered if we could make it on Saturday. We said "yes" ... and last night we went up for the first time ever in a balloon. What a blast! It was so peaceful and relaxing and even a little romantic. It was so great to get away from the house and kids for a night, and focus on each other and have some fun. I don't blog about Paul very often but he is the absolute love of my life and if I could pick anything to do on any particular day it would be to spend time with him. I am blessed beyond words!

So there you have it. A few pictures from the last week. I'm choosing not to blog about the 2 bouts of ring worm we've had to battle this week ... thanks Ethiopia! ... or the "time out rug" that has been added to our home ... maybe some other time!

Good-Bye Summer ... I Will Miss You!

2009-09-10T14:07:00.007-04:00

I really do love every season of the year. (OK, maybe not winter!) And as much as every season has to offer (except for winter), summer has become my favorite. What's not to love about it? There's the farmer's market twice a week with fresh, homegrown veggies and fruits and beautiful boquets of flowers (for only $6!!). There's ice cream and watermelon and burgers on the grill. I'm pretty sure when I'm old and alone the memory of the smell of sunscreen on my sweet children will make me long for them to be little again. We love to boat, and beach and sit in chairs with sand between our toes drinking cold beer with good friends. I love my flowers and the tomatoes in my garden and reading good books. Summer is way too short and now it's over. And I kinda miss it already.

We had a good Labor Day Weekend. But now that is over with too. Onto Fall ... I'll enjoy it ... attitude is everything right?!? But I'm going to post a few pictures of the final summer holiday, so that when the snow is flying this winter I can look back and remember that winter turns into spring and spring turns into summer and summer is oh so good.

Fish are our friends!

2009-08-31T21:12:00.002-04:00

This is a story that just has to be re-told.

For weeks, anytime Felmata sees a fish (on TV, in Cartoons, in a book, in aquariums ...) he says "YUMMY!" "FISH"! Then he makes a cutting motion and pretends to be picking apart the fish to eat. One would think I would have cooked the child some fish by now. I'm embarassed to say ... I have not. I am not a fish lover. In fact, the smell of it turns my stomach. I did not eat fish as a child, I do not eat fish as an adult ... unless it's tuna from a can with mayo and lots of veggies added in. That's not the funny part of the story.

Today was a hard day for Felmata (see my last blog post). A few days ago we were at the neighbors, and he got to feed their pet fish. He thought that was fun. I thought ... Felmata needs a fish of his own. What a fun project that would be! We could care for it, love it, he could have a pet of his own.

At Meijer today we bought a very cute (if they can be cute!) Beta fish complete with his own food and "safe water" solution. You can probably see where this story is heading ... I, on the other hand, didn't follow the logical conclusion until it was almost too late.

Fast forward to lunch time.

Me: "Felmata" ... "What would you like for lunch?"
Felmata: "FISH!"
Me: "Oh, Honey! Mommy's sorry but we don't have any fish. How about some pasta?"

This is the part I should have seen coming. For the Beta's sake, if not for my own.

Felmata proceeds to run to the fish bowl, and grab for the Beta. He splashes, he stabs, he very nearly has the Beta in his hand. There is water everyone. If fish could scream, Beta would be howling.

Felmata: "FISH! YUMMMMY! FISH for LUNCH!!!"

Apparently he thought the nice pet Beta was our lunch.

How could I serve the child pasta after that?? We got our shoes on and headed to Lamberts (a seafood specialty market) and I bought the boy some perch.

He loved it. And the Beta is still alive ... for today anyway.

Back to School

2009-08-31T11:46:00.008-04:00

Today Noah and Ella went back to school. This is always such a tough day for me as a mom. I cried sending both of them off. I thought my tears would be over after the first day of Kindergarten, then 1st grade was tough but I figured it's all day every day so of course I would get emotional. Noah's in 4th Grade this year and the pattern remains. Maybe this is just what I do? We had such a great summer, and they're both such fun, uplifting kids ... I miss them when they're gone all day. And I don't want them getting any older. And the 1st day of school is yet another reminder of how quickly time is passing me by; and so I cry. And it's OK. I'll be fine, and they'll be more than fine, but I miss them anyway.

I'm dreading the back to school routines like practicing spelling words and packing lunches and setting the alarm clock (I honestly don't think I used an alarm clock all summer long ... what a charmed life I have!). I don't like trying to find matching socks and matching gloves and setting clothes out the night before and hurrying in the mornings.

I need to remind myself of all the good things that go along with back to school. I'm glad to get back to prayers standing by the back door for safety and kindness and courage. I can hardly wait for our 3:30 snack time where we get to talk about all sorts of "issues" from the day. I love the "Love you Mom"s when we say goodbye and the playground dilemnas we talk through again and again and again and the consistent bedtimes. Oh how I love the consistent bedtimes! I love fall and picking apples and walking through crunchy leaves and sitting in a steaming hot tub in the crisp air underneath the even crisper stars with my very best friend.

So, here are a few pictures from our morning. Soon it will be lunch, and then Felmata will nap and I will work; and then it will be time for N&E to come home for the day. Tomorrow we'll do the morning all over; probably without the tears. Although my heart will still be sad, for at least a few more days. And then I'll leave summer behind and forge into fall; with all the good that comes with it.

If you're wondering how Felmata did with sending his 2 favorite people off to school today ... these pictures say it better than I could. Poor little guy!!

Thankfully he's resilient and I had the foresight to have a new box of playdough waiting for when we got home!

no words needed

2009-08-27T13:30:00.003-04:00

1 Month

2009-08-19T19:19:00.006-04:00

It doesn't seem possible but the calendar tells me it's been a month since Felmata arrived in America. It truly feels like he's been here much longer. We've been so occupied with our new and improved family, I haven't taken the time to organize pictures or video from our time in Ethiopia.

I took a few minutes tonight to look at a few, and so many emotions came rushing back. The joyful, fun loving, exciting, loving, lover-of-all-things-new child we've been blessed with came from a very different world than we know. I should know that ... I was there ... but life takes over and I forget. Even in a short month. I sometimes forget about his birth mom who loves him. I think less and less about the poverty & hunger he's experienced for most of his life. I forget about the friends he's left behind. It's only been a month, but somehow I have to remind myself that he hasn't been mine forever. And I'm so thankful he's mine now, and will be from here on out.

This image of a market in Ethiopia

compared with this image of our day today

is a stark reminder of all that has happened in my sweet little boy's life in one short month.

Back to (a new) Reality

2009-08-10T21:11:00.013-04:00

Vacation is officially over at our house.

We found Felmata in his bedroom late Saturday night with his (clean) pajamas waded up in the dirty clothes hamper and lying in bed in his swim suit. He was very upset that Saturday we didn't go to the pool or beach or even out on the boat. I soo wish I had the language to explain to him what "vacation" means. I'm pretty sure the poor kid thought that was our new reality ... sleeping in, late bedtimes, lots of time with family, beach, pool, bike rides, dessert every night. Oh how I wish that was true ... but alas, it's back to reality at our house.

Today was filled with lots of whining and screaming and just general crabiness. Unless we were doing something fun. I think the reality is sinking in for my sweet, new child. I think the frustrations of not being able to communicate are starting to show up a little. On the other hand ... he did GREAT at the dentist. Go figure!

Several people have commented that our "adoption story" seems too good to be true. As I read through my other posts, I guess I have painted a pretty stress free picture. But I don't regret that. Felmata has brought so much laughter and joy and hope and excitement to our family. Even today. Even amidst the other not so fun behavior.

It's not all hugs and laughter and giggles. Sometimes (actually more like lots of times) there are tantrums. And spitting, yes, I said spitting. And kicking humans and one very tolerating dog (who may have enjoyed his vacation even more than we did!).

This is not easy. And I'm sorry if I've made it sound like a cake walk. Because it's not. But it's God's plan and I'm so very glad.

I'm adding a few more vacation pictures ... cuz this is my blog and I can.

Vacation

2009-08-05T16:48:00.005-04:00

Northern Michigan is such a glorious place in August. We are having a blast with brothers & sisters and the kids are so blessed to be able to spend extended time with aunts, uncles, cousins and their opa and oma. We were worried Felmata would be confused about his new surroundings for the week, but he's having a blast too. The only trouble has been leaving the pool or beach. He cries and cries and cries, and I really can't say I blame him!

Family Picture

2009-07-26T14:34:00.003-04:00

We had my sister-in-law snap a quick family picture today at a picnic. Our first as a family of 5. I think we look pretty good ... if I do say so myself!

Things are still going well. Felmata is a joy! He remains happy and fun and full of energy. He doesn't like going to bed, but neither did Noah and Ella at age 3. He experienced his first boat ride last night. The waves in Lake MI were big, so Paul took it kind of easy; that is until he heard Felmata yelling "YESSSS!" and clapping with a huge smile. This kid has no fear ...

We're looking forward to a quiet week at home filled with more firsts.

It has been such a cool thing to watch Noah and Ella interact with their new brother. They have so much fun with him, and yet have a healthy amount of protection as well. It is very clear that they are older, and he is younger. There have been a few times when I think they've wished he could get back on the airplane (like the 45 minutes of whining because I cut his sandwhich in half, or the times he gets into THEIR stuff). But, for the most part, they seem happy to have Felmata join us. When I asked them if it's like they imagined, they both said "no" ... "it's way better". I kind of have to agree!

I am so proud of each of my kids. God has blessed me in more ways than I can count. We are giving Him all the glory for the smooth transitions in our home.

What kind of country is this?!?

2009-07-22T12:30:00.008-04:00

It's naptime so I'm taking a precious few minutes to open my computer and post an update. Noah and Ella are at camp this week, so Felmata and I have been having a great time getting to know each other. I keep waiting for the tantrums, the frustrations, illness, anxiety, and all the other stuff we've been warned about. What I've experienced so far is smiles, hugs and lots of giggles. OK, and quite a few tears at the Dr's ... but what 3 year old doesn't cry when they get shots?!?

When I think about all the "firsts" Felmata has experienced in just a few short days, it makes me realize what a huge transition this is for him. Because of his easy going personality, I quickly forget how new everything is. Riding an escalator, learning to pedal a bike, jumping on the trampoline, getting immunizations, playing with Edi the dog, swinging, clean pajamas and bedtime stories, wrestling with Daddy, flushing toilets, cold (& warm!) water out of the faucet, going to a playground, neighborhood friends, taking a bath ... with bubbles!, eating at McDonalds.

I laughed out loud as Felmata slowly slowly savored his french fries, ketchup and chicken nuggets. When every last morsel was gone, I handed him the Happy Meal toy. The look on his face said it all ... You mean I get all this yummy food and a TOY too?!? How can that be?!? What kind of country is this??

When we were leaving the lodge in Ethiopia, heading toward the airport, toward Felmata's new life, I had tears on my cheeks. Although the poverty is overwhelming, although his life in Africa was so hard and provided no hope for a future, although he didn't have clean water or enough food or a safe place to rest his head at night; he did have a culture. He was part of a group of people who loved each other. He was a part of a country that loves their children in ways that America can't even begin to understand. He belonged. He was cherished. He fit in perfectly.

In our world of fast cars and fast food and glitz and glamour, and rampant materialism, it's going to be easy to lose Ethiopia. It's going to be easy to get sucked into the America that we see everywhere we turn. Some of it so good, and some of it not so much. Like the lady at Meijer yesterday who asked me "where did you get him?" I think next time I'm going to respond with "Ebay".

As Felmata grows and explores and hopes and dreams, I'm going to continue to pray that he doesn't lose sight of where he came from, that somehow, someway, he can become part of us, but also remain a part of them. I'm going to pray he becomes all that God has planned for him.

And I'm pretty sure, even after only a few days together, that God has very large plans for this very special little boy.

I have to pinch myself to be reminded that I get to be a part of it!

It's GOOD to be Home!

2009-07-19T21:22:00.005-04:00

What a week it has been! Without a doubt ... the longest week of my life. So many emotions. So many unknowns. So many ups and downs and fears and joys and sadness. So much poverty. So much injustice. So many smiles and laughs and hugs and answered prayers. It has been a long week. For now ... I'll just post these pictures. It is so good to be home!

News From Ethiopia

2009-07-17T15:52:00.004-04:00

Here is the latest email from Jess & Paul. According to their travel schedule, they should be in the air now on the 7,000+ mile flight back to the U.S. (Washington D.C.) Can't wait to see them safely home with Felmeta!

We all slept fairly lightly but the sun is now up and we’re going to make it through this day. Paul is feeling a bit better. We have nothing to do today except sit around, so hopefully the rest will help Paul. We have a very long 48 hours ahead of us. Thanks for all your prayers. This has been quite the week, and we know we couldn’t have gotten through without your prayers and the strength of God.

On a brighter note, Felmeta is one amazing little kid! He woke up this morning by crawling into our bed and saying “Mama!” “Papa!” with his bright happy smile. This little boy is going to fit right into our family.

Can’t wait to see you all soon!!!!!!!! Tell Noah and Ella we miss them so much!!!

Paul and Jess

Update from Ethiopia

2009-07-15T14:10:00.001-04:00

Hi-This is Julie, Jessica's sister. I received this email from Jessica today.....

Hi Everyone!

We have had a busy 2 days! We were able to have a wonderful, very emotional meeting with Felmeta’s birthmom yesterday. Her story is Felmata’s to share someday, but we will say this. She is a beautiful woman filled with courage. We have very big shoes to fill.

Today we were able to pick up Felmata from the orphanage. What a GREAT day it has been! We have never seen a child with such a large smile, or so much energy! He talks and talks and talks and we have no idea what he’s saying! Yet he just keeps on chatting and smiling. We are in love! He is already starting to repeat English words that we say, and when we held him for the first time he said “mama”! “papa”! Clearly the orphanage prepared him very well. We brought a long a toy airplane and he seems to know he’s going on one soon.

We’re getting dinner soon, then calling it a night. We’re hoping he sleep well.

Thank you for all of your prayers. I am feeling a little better … kind of frustrating to not be 100% feeling good, but God has given me the strength exactly when I’ve needed it. Please keep praying that I feel better soon.

We (I) miss home so much and can’t wait to come home on Saturday. Africa is a wonderful place, but I miss Michigan. Not sure when we’ll be able to email again … the power just came on and had been out for a long time.

Love you you all!
Jess & Paul

Ps If you happen to see Noah and Ella please tell them we LOVE THEM and can’t wait to see them soon!!

Here we GOOO!

2009-07-10T15:25:00.004-04:00

Our bags are packed and we're ready to head out this weekend. This past week has been filled with fear, peace, excitement, fear, peace, excitement, fear, peace, excitement ... you get the picture!

There were a few tears last night (just from me) as I realized that would be the last sit down dinner at our table with just 4 of us. It feels a little bittersweet to be saying "good bye" to our family as we know it. I remember the feeling well just before Ella was born. And, oh my, I can not even IMAGINE life without that child now. How blessed we have been!

Today we are relaxed, and feeling so comfortable and at ease with the whole entire thing. We know that God is with us, in fact He's gone before us, and if He is for us who (what!) can be against us?

We have been touched over and over and over again by the kind words of encouragmenet, love and support from our friends and families. We feel overwhelmed by the people who have surrounded us and who we know will be here waiting with open arms when Judah comes home.

Our hearts are full & running over.

Thank you for your prayers for safe travel, absence of fear & smooth transitions for all of us.

Here we go!

List is almost done...

2009-07-06T21:05:00.006-04:00

Our lists are getting checked off. We're almost ready to go! We received word today that Judah passed his TB skin test, so we officially have the green light to travel.

Another family we are planning on traveling with had not so good news regarding their girl's tests. We're praying that their chest X Rays are negative, and that they can travel on time!

I promised a pic of Judah's room, and now that it's complete, here's the photo... All it needs now is a smiley little 3 year old boy!

Independence Day

2009-07-04T20:39:00.004-04:00

Happy 4th of July to all my blogger friends! We've had a great weekend! We spent both Friday and Saturday on the boat with friends. This morning we had the annual Bush Beach Bash, complete with lots of yummy breakfast foods. We watched fireworks last night from the lake. We've roasted marshmallows, hot dogs, grilled burgers over charcoal, drank ice cold beer from the cooler ... summer in Michigan is the best!

With all the freedom in the air, on this the 4th of July, my mind naturally drifts to ... Africa. No surprise there! I'm putting the finishing touches on Judah's birth mom's photo album. We are going to be able to meet her while we're in the country. This is something I feel so blessed to be able to experience, and yet so overwhelmed by. I hardly dare even "go there" in my thoughts. How am I going to be able to sit with this incredible women? How am I going to be able to look her in the eyes, see the love for her son, and rationalize the injustice in this world. It is pretty safe to assume that life has not been kind to her. What does freedom look like to her? Surely she didn't ask to be born into a country where there is a 70% illiteracy rate. I can not imagine, if given the choice, she would live in a world where HIV is eliminating an entire generation of her family & friends. Surely she didn't ask to live in poverty the likes of which I've never even seen. Surely she didn't choose to give birth to a beautiful boy, with the hopes of relinquishing him to the care of an orphanage. Surely if she had even a little bit of freedom, she wouldn't be where she is right now. And so I think about her

with tears in my eyes

and pray that God will give me the words to express to her how sorry I am

that she doesn't have the choices I do

and pray that God will allow her to sense

just a little bit of how much I'll love this child

how much he'll be a part of our lives, our hearts, our hopes and our dreams

somehow ... someway ... I pray she'll get just a glimmer of hope in one of the choices she was able to make ... the choice to trust us to give him the best life we possibly can

A Picture is Worth...

2009-06-30T19:58:00.009-04:00

This week has been filled with long "to do" lists. Coordinating the kid's schedules while we're traveling, getting the house "ready" for our live-in sitters, completing yet another round of paper work to get notarized for our Embassy Appointment, filling prescriptions for us and Judah, finishing up the 14 "required" gifts we need to bring with us, deciding what to pack; what not to pack, coordinating with the bank to get US currency dated 2004 or newer (strange, but at this point we don't ask questions), guessing on what size clothing & shoes to bring with (it's hard shopping for a child you've never seen before!), putting finishing touches on Judah's bedroom ... and the list goes on, and on, and on...

and then ... we get this new picture...

and I am reminded once again that this temporary "crazyiness" is soooo worth it ...

Time Ticks On...

2009-06-25T11:27:00.009-04:00

There are 16 days left before we hop on a plane and pick up Judah. We are busy packing, getting the kid's schedule's arranged, finalizing paper work, finishing up gifts we need to bring, and lots of other "adoption related" stuff. In the midst of all that, summer is upon us in Michigan!

When we began this adoption process a wise friend told me ... "don't cancel your life" ... "continue to do the stuff you enjoy". While the adoption is forefront on all of our minds, we've been having a great summer, too. We've been swimming, boating, spending time with friends, having picnics, celebrating birthdays, eating delicious Michigan strawberries (while saving a few for jam!), the kid's have been involved in lots of sports ... swimming, baseball (All Star Game tonight!), cheerleading, ... and we've been enjoying these last few weeks as a family of four. All that being said ... we're ready for Judah to join in all the fun!

We have a son!

2009-06-10T14:24:00.002-04:00

Sometime early this morning Felmeta Judah Hoekstra legally became our son. He's been ours in our hearts for quite awhile now, but as of today it's all official. We are rejoicing and giving thanks to God!

Hopeful...

2009-06-08T09:55:00.003-04:00

We just received an update from our agency that of all the "additionally requested documents" have been prepared and delivered to the court in Ethiopia. Everything is "in order" for our court date on Wednesday. We are hopeful...

No Go...

2009-05-25T17:32:00.004-04:00

We did not pass court today. Judah's birth mom did appear in court and gave her conset, which is a very good thing. Most likely she will not have to appear again. We are so thankful for this! The court requested additional documents and our agency is checking into what exactly this means. We'll know more soon, but feel good about the fact that they've already scheduled another court date for June 10. This is also good news.

While we're disappointed, we're confident that God's timing is perfect. We're just really anxious to go get our little boy.

We spent the day on the beach, and here's a pic of what was on our minds!

growing ... maybe?

2009-05-20T12:06:00.005-04:00

Our agency sent us updated measurements this week. Back in March Judah was 93 cm and 13 kg (about 28 pounds). He was measured last week and is now reported to be 90 cm and 14 kg (about 31 pounds). So, while he's grown, apparently he's shrunk too. I laughed out loud when I read the email, as this is such a good example of how the adoption journey seems to be. I'm quite confidant he didn't actually shrink, but in Africa their use of numbers and ours is quite different. It's all good. I just smile when I think of how God has used this journey to teach me what really matters, and how little of my life I'm actually in control of!

We were also sent a few more pictures of him. Wow is this child ours! He has a smile that lights up my entire computer screen, and his eyes have a twinkle in them that must be from God himself. After we pass court I'll be able to post his picture on this sight, and you can see for yourself what I'm talking about.

We also received confirmation that he received the care package we sent. My heart beats a little faster when I think of him opening the photo book we put together, and imagining how his mind must be trying to imagine life in with us. We pray every day that God will be preparing him for all that lies ahead. I am trusting that God has us on this journey for a reason, and just like He is so good at doing, He's preparing all of us right now for what lies ahead.

On Monday, that's 5 days from now!, our case will go before a judge in Ethiopia and we're praying all goes well. We are trusting God's timing, whatever that might be, but also know if the timing is NOW we will be thrilled! We can hardly wait to bring this precious child home!

longing for lilacs

2009-05-13T14:10:00.015-04:00

Not much in life is sweeter than the scent of lilacs in May. Driving around town this week I've begun to notice the beautiful, lavendar flowers blossoming on enormous bushes just about everywhere. Their scent almost takes my breath away. When I spot a bush, I need to stop and breathe them in. There's something in me that feels hope, joy, a sense of well-being; all from smelling a lilac.

We don't have any lilac bushes in our yard, but there's a vacant lot behind our house where I have been known to sneak a few flowers each spring. I ventured over this afternoon, hoping to snag a few, and to my dismay there were hardly any flowers on the branches. The bush is getting old. Each year it produces less and less flowers. I only had the heart to cut one flower off.

Hopefully I'll find another bush to glean from, but even if I don't, my one lone lilac flower has brought me joy already. And so many reminders. I am abosultely in love with a God who would create lilacs, all for the simple purpose of reminding me that He is good (even when life is not), that He is faithful (even when I am not) and that because of His love for me I can have hope, joy and a sense of well-being.

Tulip Time in Holland

2009-05-06T17:15:00.003-04:00

Call me a nerd, but I LOVE Tulip Time in Holland! I love the flowers, the visitors, the parades, the costumes and all the energy. The junk food isn't bad either! I'm Dutch Dancing this year so I get downtown lots of times throughout the week. Ella loves to come with me and wear her costume as well. This year I'm dancing with my sister Julie for the first time ever! I had to switch to a boy to do it, but now I have 2 costumes which is kind of fun.

Today my Dad, sisters, neice, the kids and I scrubbed streets in the parade (my Mom was on 'water patrol' at their house ...long story). We had so much fun. This tradition goes back as far as I can remember into my early childhood. My parents dressed us up each year and we participated in the annual street scrubbing. It's fun to carry on the tradition with my kids.

Happy Tulip Time to all my fellow bloggers! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

20 days from today

2009-05-05T14:40:00.003-04:00

The countdown has begun! 20 days from now, on May 25th, our adoption case will be in the courts of Ethiopia. All our documents will go before a judge, and if all goes well, #3 will legally become our son. A lot has to go "right" for us to be approved. Our agency will be there to represent us and make sure all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed. We won't be traveling to Ethiopia until we have passed court and have been given an embassy date. That usually takes place 4-6 weeks after we pass court.

Lots of preparations are taking place around our house.

The kids and us have finally agreed on a name ... Judah. We are hopeful it will serve him well throughout his life. The name Judah is a Biblical one; it means "praised one". The strongest, most determined, most obedient tribe of Israel was called Judah and Jesus came from the line of Judah. Plus, it's easy to say, sounds a bit like his Ethiopian name and we all agree it's super cute.

We're putting the finishing touches on Judah's bedroom. The painting is completed! Noah & Ella got their way, no surprise there!, and there is a giraffe (actually 2!) on 1 of the walls. I'll post pictures as soon as we get the furniture moved back in.

We've begun the gift buying process. While in Ethiopia, so many people we'll meet and talk with will have played an integral role in our new son's life. It seems natural to arrive with small tokens of thanks. Our agency does a great job preparing us for what types of gifts are appropriate, how many we'll need, etc but to sit down and be creative, without being excessive, is a little more difficult than I had thought it would be. I love to give gifts, but giving gifts to people I've never met in an environment I can't imagine, has been hard. I'm so thankful for those who have "gone before us" and all their recommendations. I know already our trip will be better because of all of them and their great tips and advice.

We are counting down to May 25th, and praying for success! Each day that passes our hearts are getting more and more eager to go get that little sweetie, and bring him HOME!

Spring is Here!

2009-04-24T12:41:00.010-04:00

We've been busy with lots of spring fun around our house. Time to post some pics for all our "out of town" blog friends

spring break '09
Easter

Bryan checking on the new family bee hive

There's a rolly polly bug in there somewhere! I just love the pic of her cute little hand!

What's in a Name?

2009-04-13T13:37:00.003-04:00

We are anxiously awaiting our court date on May 25. It's going to be here before we know it, but it still seems like a long ways off. We're in the process of making a few big decisions.

First there is the issue of #3s name. When he gets home, he'll need a name other than #3! His mother has given him a beautiful, Ethiopian name. It's very unusual in comparison with our American names, and we're concerned it might be a little too "out there". In our Dutch community, he's going to be so different to begin with, we want him to have a name that fits at least a little. That being said, his mother gave him his name, and for us to swoop in and change it seems disrespectful. So, we've decided to keep his given Ethiopian name, give him an American middle name, and most likely call him by his middle name. That way, when he graduates, gets married, signs documents, he'll have that part of his heritage. He can also choose to go back to his Ethiopian name if he wants to someday.

Because of that decision, we're in the process of choosing his middle name. It was a lot easier when it was just Paul and I choosing for Noah & Ella. Now we have 4 opinions to consider :) We're getting close, but it's a big decision we don't want to rush into.

May 25

2009-04-01T21:32:00.005-04:00

We received word today that our case is scheduled to go to court in Ethiopia on May 25. This is where #3 will legally become our son. A lot has to happen for us to pass, but if and when we do, we're expecting to travel 4-6 weeks after a successful court date. Bottom line, we might have our new little guy running around here this summer. I better finish painting his room!!

Care Package

2009-03-27T08:40:00.006-04:00

A small (under 4 pound!) box is on it's way to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. It contains a small outfit, a pair of shoes, socks, a little book, a truck, some candy and a photo album of our family. What was hard to package up was the amount of love, excitement, joy we are feeling all from a little picture of a little 3 year old boy.

How do we let #3 know that we are so anxious to meet him? That we love him already? That we can't wait to bring him home and give him a life filled with hope, opportunity, love, safety, family? How is it that a picture of a small child all the way across the world can evoke such emotion? How can it be that a tiny little description can be read with such fervor? Our hearts are ready.

We are waiting to hear when our court date will be. We are praying that the court date will be soon, that we will pass the 1st time, that his required TB test is negative & that #3 will be here with us really soon. We are continuing to trust that God's timing is perfect. That's a little harder to do now that we know who he is!!

We are praising God for the incredible way He has chosen to bless us with this amazing child.

THE Call!

2009-03-17T08:36:00.003-04:00

Monday, March 16; 4:38pm

Both kids are outside playing with the neighbors. They're running around and around the house ... capture the flag? It's a beautiful, spring afternoon. Coats are off. Laughter is all around. Birds are chirping. All is good with the world.

The phone rings ... the screen says "Adoption Associates" and my heart stops, then starts, then stops again. Is this it?????

Our agency is calling to tell us they have a little boy. He's 3 year's old. They'll send pictures via email. They give me lots more info. I hang up the phone and watch my inbox fill with emails with lots of attachments. Paul's not home yet. Do I look? Do I peak? OH MY GOODNESS!! IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?!? I notice drops on my paper and only then realize I have tears streaming down my face. I stand up. I pace. and pace. and pace. Then I see Paul's truck pull in.

5:00; Paul walks in the door. "What's wrong?", he asks. "We got the Call" I say. More tears. Running to the computer. We meet our son, together, for the very first time.

He is beautiful.

He is full of life.

He is going to be ours.

We can feel it all the way down to our toes.

Thank you Lord for the joy you have given us. We are forever grateful!!

ps Out of respect for the African culture we won't be posting any pictures until he officially becomes our son through a court proceding. If you see any of us around, be sure to ask ... we're all carrying pictures we'd be happy to show off! :)

Happy Birthday Noah!

2009-03-16T11:18:00.006-04:00

My little boy tunrs 9 years old today. Where does time go?? I know that's such a cliche, but on this day it doesn't feel like one. I really wonder that. Where has it gone? Each year I tease Noah that he has to stop having birthdays. I love him too much at the age he's at. I don't want him to change. I don't want him to get older. I feel that way this year, too.

He's kind and compassionate. He loves his family, his friends, his neighbors, his God. He cares about the less fortunate. He's as competitive as they come. He love sports and he plays fair. He's healthy and active. He loves math. He loves his sister. He loves strawberries. I couldn't be more thankful for him on this day. God has truly blessed our family with him.

In the past year he joined a football team. He made the all-star baseball team. He played in his first piano recital. He decided to be excited about welcoming home a new little brother from Africa. He stoood up to a bully at school on behalf of his friend. He got all As in Math. He was kind to his sister ... often!

He's my little boy, and I'm hoping the time slows down just a bit. I'm pretty sure it won't, so it's days like these I remind myself to treasure, savor, ponder each and every memory. I'm going to need them someday!

Fear

2009-03-05T10:17:00.002-05:00

As I sense our time drawing closer, there are moments, minutes, OK, days when fear starts to creep in. It begins as a small question, and sometimes turns into a sweaty, panicky feeling that leaves me feeling weak and full of uncertainty. Questions like what if I'm not prepared for this? What if after he comes home I regret this decision? What if he doesn't do well with our family? What if I don't love him like my other kids? What if he's wild, uncontrollable, hard to love? The fear builds and builds and builds. There have been several blogs this week from others who are recently home. They talk of how hard it is. How exhausting. How emotionally draining. How unprepared they feel. Am I ready for that?

It is no coincidence that my Bible study last week was on the Israelites and Moses and how they were right up next to the land God had promised them. They had been wandering and grumbling, and now God was ready to give them all He had promised. They sent spies in to see what they were up against. They saw the giants, and instead of remembering God's Words, they focused on the giants instead. They look around instead of up. They looked at the size of their situation instead of the size of their God. They completely forgot the miracles God had performed. They completely forgot how God had spared them, loved them, taken care of them. They forgot that God was on their side and He wasn't going to lead them into something and then leave them.

I don't have to be afraid. God has led our family to where we are, and we're going to keep following His "cloud" and enter the land He has promised us. There might be giants waiting for us, but I know my God is bigger than any giant I can come across. He's been with me, loved me, performed many miracles on my behalf, and I believe Him when He reminds me He's not going to stop now.

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Amharic Anyone?

2009-02-25T17:47:00.002-05:00

There's a very good chance #3 will speak Amharic. I've bought a few phrasebooks, but was having a hard time figuring out how the pronunciations sounded. In the mail this week came "Simple Amharic for Adoptive Families". It's a book just for families like ours, who want a little help communicating with their kids. It comes with a CD, so this afternoon I spent a little time repeating after an Amharic speaking teacher. It didn't sound great, but I'm hoping with some time and maybe a little luck, I can learn a few important words that will help #3 with his transition. Ella has a big interest in it as well, so she's learning along with me. So far, we've learned the words for:

Yes: AH-o
No: i-AYE
Goodbye: Chow
Hello: Seh-LAHM (think Salami with out the "i")
Dog: WIH-shah

We really want to learn "I Love You" next, but it's a little tricky. We're sticking with easy words for now. Chow!

Hoping for a VDay surprise!

2009-02-13T15:04:00.004-05:00

True confession time (don't worry ... it's nothing TOO personal!) Our paperwork has been "active" in Ethiopia since November 14. In my mind, I've been kind of hoping for a referral just in time for Valentine's Day ... exactly 3 months from Nov 14. Not sure why Valentine's Day ... not a big holiday at our house. I guess it just sounded good at the time, and honestly, it still does!

Seeing how it's 3pm on the day before VDay (which happens to be on a Saturday), I'd say I better re-adjust my wish to something more likely. Spring Break? Easter? Memorial Day? Thanksgiving?!?

We hung a few new pictures on a wall last week, and hung an empty frame so when the call DOES come, #3 can be included in our family pictures. We also bought a small photo album to fill with lots of pictures of us, to send as soon as we know who to send it to!

The call will probably happen when we least expect it ... so I might as well stop plotting and planning and wishing. Still .... it would be nice to get a call soon! After all, we've got a frame ready!

25 Random Things...

2009-01-30T09:16:00.002-05:00

If you're on Facebook, you know that the 25 Random Things is going around. I finally gave in to the pressure and published 25 random things about me. I thought it would be fun to post it here, too, for all you "non facebook friends".

You are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

1. I think Christianity is the best religion of all. The fact that the Creator of the Universe wants to be my FRIEND, is amazing. And Friend He is ... my best one.
2. I am an introvert by nature, but have learned early on in life to play the role of an extrovert too. If given the choice of a good book or a group of people, I'd pick the book every time. Most people are surprised to learn this about me.
3. I majored in Accounting in College because several professors encouraged me to and I was good at it. I often wonder why, as it's not my passion. I worked in a CPA firm before kids and did audits and taxes. It wasn't fun then and it doesn't sound fun now. I often wonder what I should be when I grow up.
4. Sometimes I wonder how flies can get SO FAR out into Lake Michigan.
5. I am a closet hymn lover. I have CDs of hymns in my car, and sometimes crank the volume very high and sing along. My husband does not understand this about me.
6. I have an intense aversion to vomit. If I'm around it for more than a minute, I'll vomit myself and then it's all over. My husband now believes this aversion is real, and gladly cleans up after the kids when they get sick. One of my biggest fears it that when I meet my son in Ethiopia he's going to throw up and I'm going to freeze.
7. I used to be able to stick my entire fist in my mouth. I haven't attempted this in a while so I'm not sure I can still perform this amazing human trick.
8. I don't see the need to wear a bathing suit in my own hot tub, when I'm alone, in the dark, in my own backyard.
9. If I were to die tomorrow, a lot of people would come to my funeral, but only a handful would have really known me.
10. The worst role I play in life, by far, is "boss's wife". There is not one good things about this role ... belive me, I've looked.
11. After my immediate family, the 2 people I'm most passionate about are my sisters. I am so thankful they're in my life, and hope we will grow very old together. It makes me sad that Ella doesn't have one.
12. I can't believe I'm only on #12
13. I really dislike winter. Really.
14. I have a problem with sliding into ditches. I once slid into the very same ditch twice in one winter. So far this year, I've only needed to be pulled out of a snowbank once; but it's only January.
15. I like it when my husband plays poker every other Thursday night. I like being home alone; even though I don't do anything differently than when he's here.
16. Almost every day I spend $1 at Quality Car Wash on a Diet Coke. Most of the time I try to bring in my old cup, so it only costs me 75cents. Then I put my quarter into the Holland Rescue Mission change box. This makes me feel better about my bad habit.
17. I am a strange shopper. I shop in 2 modes. Super cheap or frivolous. Think Kohls with lots of coupons or the Outpost. Thankfully, the combination of the 2 kind of evens out.
18. Sometimes I worry that I talk about myself too much.
19. I have a recurring dream several times a year. I show up to Math class and it's exam day, but I realize I haven't been to class all semester.
20. If I were very rich, I would have fresh sheets on my bed every night and fresh flowers in the house all the time.
21. I have very Dutch roots. I've even visited my mom's family in the Netherlands. I always thought my Dad's family was Dutch, too, and that I was a "pure bred". There are now rumors circulating in East Saugatuck that my Dad's family was not Dutch, but rather German. My family thinks this is funny but I do not.
22. I really like Tulip Time. I even went to some of the tourist things last year. I'm not making this up. I'm actually a little offended when people mock it.
23. I've never lived anywhere except Holland, and I now live in the same house I grew up in.
24. When I was little and my Mom couldn't find me, I was in my neighbors raspberry patch. Raspberries are still my most favorite food .... of all!
25. I like being 32 better than being 22. I'm hoping the trend continues.

the Last?

2009-01-29T06:13:00.002-05:00

There's a fanastic children's book that talks about kid's "lasts". If I'm honest, I think it's really writtten for Moms and not so much for kids. The couple of times I've read it to Ella she kind of looks at me with that look that says "you're odd Mom .... and I don't quite get it". I have never been able to read it with out crying. It's all about kid's "lasts".

As parents, we celebrate all the "firsts". 1st tooth, 1st word, 1st day of school, 1st bike ride with no training wheels, 1st soccer game, ect etc. BUT, do we ever stop and contemplate the "lasts"?

Do I remember the last bottle I fed my kids? Did I realize the last time they reached for my hand in a new place? How about the last time they cried when I dropped them off somewhere? The last picture that was colored just for me. The last Thomas the Train track we built together? The last time Noah sat in my lap while I read a book to him. All those "lasts" may have happened, but did I even recognize them? If I did, I would have held on a little longer. I would have read one more book, requested one more picture, took one more time around the track, cuddled for a few more minutes.

Last night, Ella came creeping into our room around 2am. "Mom", she whispered, "I had a bad dream. Can I crawl in with you?" "I dreamt about something under the deck that made a whooo whooo sound". It hit me after the little Ella arm bonked my head, and the Ella breath was in my face; this could be a last. Maybe not, but it sure has been awhile since one of the kids crawled in. I don't remember when the last time Noah did. I'm thankful I had the thought, so I could cherish the moment. Next time, maybe she'll wake up, realize it was just a dream, and go back to sleep. That's OK, but I'm going to hang on to the Ella breath in my face for as long as I can.

Yesterday, Noah spilled his OJ at breakfast. Was that a last? If so, I'm sure glad I bit my tongue and responded with grace. I'm glad I didn't get frustrated, or irritated, but instead used the time to teach that mistakes happen, and in this house, if we both work together we can clean up anything. His mistakes are going to grow as he does. Pretty soon it won't be about spilled juice, but bigger stuff. I hope he remembers that together we can clean up anything, and that our house is full of grace & love, no matter how sticky things around him get.

This is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. I know I'm helping them grow to be their own people, to be healthy, and independent, and able to live well. It's just hard to see it happen so quickly, and realize even though we have so many 1sts yet to record, there are a lot of lasts going on too. Today I'm going to treasure each moment, and pray that God gives me the strength I need to see the lasts; and savor them.

The Line has moved

2009-01-28T08:51:00.003-05:00

I was in contact with our agency yesterday and our line has moved! There are now 3 families ahead of us waiting for a little boy. That doesn't seem like a lot, and yet at the same time it does.

So many people have made "pregnancy" comments like "it's like you're pregnant but not carrying the child". That's a really nice thought but not really how we're feeling. The thing about a pregnancy is that you get a due date. And although the baby might not come exactly on the day you're planning for (right Julie?!?), most of the time you can at least predict the month, and for sure the year!! With this adoption thing, who's to say what day, month or even year our child will join our family! I'm not complaining, and please keep your comments coming, but just for the record; I don't feel pregnant :)

I'm still checking caller ID every time the phone rings to see if it says "AAI" on the screen. So, at the very least, if you call I'll know it's you.

That's all I've got for now...

Invisible is OK

2009-01-14T14:17:00.002-05:00

I heard a fantastic comparison today between moms and cathedral builders. The cathedral builders of old would often work their entire lifetimes building something they would never see completed. They would work, day in and day out, on tiny, intricate details that were part of a larger beauty. They toiled, sweat and did the best they could, all for God's glory. The history books very rarely include the names of these great builders. They did what they did for God alone, not for fame or a legacy. They constructed in silence, with the sole purpose of building something greater than themselves, for someone greater than themself. They were invisible, at least to man.

As a mom, I often wonder if I'm invisible too. Does anyone care that their socks are matched? Does anyone notice the effort that went into a healthy, hot meal that tastes good too? Did the top bunk get made all on it's own? How does that snack get into the backpack each day?

It's easy to feel invisible around kids. They interupt when I'm talking on the phone. They demand my attention even when it should be clear I'm in the middle of something. Their needs come first, in fact, I'm not even sure they realize I have needs.

It's easy to dislike being invisible. It would be easy to demand some respect. Demand some thanks. Demand that someone sit up and take notice of all the things that just "happen" to get done.

Except that it's not about me. My life, and my purpose, and my work is not about me.

It's about something greater than me, for someone greater than me. My work is not for my kid's happiness, my husband or even for myself. It's for the God who created me. He's the one who notices and the one who sees even when others don't. He hears the prayers that are sent up sometimes by the second. He sees the brownies that are lovingly prepared just for a smile in return. He knows the love that goes into bedtime prayers. The dreams that are dreamt. He sees a heart that loves, that wants to obey, that gives for nothing in return. He notices, and loves me for who I am.

I am building something greater than myself. I will probably never see it completed in my lifetime, but that's OK. I am loved, and cherished and a daughter of God. Even if somedays I feel invisible.

Slow Line

2009-01-12T18:49:00.002-05:00

I couldn't help it ... I emailed our agency today to see if our "line" had moved any. It had been a month since I last asked ... surely someone must have gotten "crossed off" the list because they received a referral! No such luck. We remain at #5. I guess I can stop looking anxiously at caller ID every time the phone rings.

Oh well, God knows what He's doing and His timing is perfect. It must be this cold, wintery weather that's got me anxious. Cabin fever can do strange things to a person ... at least this person. My vitamin D pills just aren't the same as good old fashioned sunshine. Spring will be here soon enough, and maybe then I can start staring at the phone with a little more hope.

2009

2009-01-04T18:20:00.003-05:00

It's here ... 2009. The year we're bringing our new son home. The year our little guy gets to put an end to hunger, illness, loneliness and hopelessness. The year our family gets to welcome another child; love another soul; teach another little person about love, grace, hope & joy. It's here and we can hardly wait!

Very Merry Christmas

2008-12-28T14:32:00.011-05:00

We had a fantastic Christmas! We've really had the perfect blend of extended family time and time with the 4 of us. We've enjoyed Paul having some time off from work. We've had lots of fun playing with new toys, reading new books, competing on Guitar Hero and spending lots of lazy days together. We've even gotten to sleep in a few days. School starting back up is going to be a shock for some of us! It's times like these that I feel so incredibly blessed. We have amazing kids, we have families that are loving and healthy, we have everything we need. We have an amazing God who became human in order that we might know Him better. We are truly singing Joy to the World and looking forward to a bright 2009.

No Adoption News

2008-12-16T19:03:00.011-05:00

Lots of you have been asking lately if we have any new news. We do not. Our paperwork has been active in Ethiopia for 1 month. We are waiting for a phone call letting us know there is a child for us. When that call comes, the ball will begin rolling again. Until then, we wait. We know that there are 4 families "ahead" of us "in line". Several families were matched with kids a few weeks ago, but they were all infants or girls; so our "line" didn't move any.

While we talk about #3 often, and the changes that are SO CLOSE to becoming SO REAL, we're really very much at peace with God's timing. What will be, will be, and there's not anything we can do at this point to speed things along. So we wait! The basement remodel is wrapping up, and soon we'll be preparing a bedroom for our new little guy. The kids are thinking 'safari' theme but I'm not convinced.

On a different note, today is Paul and my 13th anniversary! How time has flown. We talked at dinner with the kids about how much God has blessed us in just 13 short years. We've grown & changed & learned so much about each other. How incredible to think that 13 years ago there was no Noah, no Ella, no #3. Another very real life example about how God's timing is perfect ... and He is good!

Christmas is definetly in the air at our house. The tree is lit, the gifts are wrapped, we delivered gifts to a needy family last night, the parties have begun, a gingerbread house has been carefully constructed and there are only a few more days of school left. We even have a neighborhood family "las posadas party" coming up. These days are so much fun ... I wish the kids could stay at this age forever.

Daddys are so special

2008-12-08T13:57:00.002-05:00

Friday night Paul took Ella to a Father/Daughter Winter Ball. A few weeks back he brought home a red rose, and asked her if she'd go with him. She literally counted down the days until the big night. She wanted her dress and shoes in a prominent place in her closet so she could see them at all times. She spent lots of time selecting JUST the right color nail polish. When the big day arrived, she rushed in the door after school and declared she needed to take a shower and start getting ready.

Needless to say, Ella was a beautiful daugher and Paul the perfect gentlement. They ate a wonderful meal, got a picture taken, indluged in the chocolate fountain and danced to lots of songs. It was a night she will remember for the rest of her life. What a blessing she has in her Daddy. How many little girls will go to bed tonight not even knowing who their father is? How many little girls long for a Daddy who notices them? How many little girls wish their Daddy thought they were beautiful? Not only does Ella have a Daddy who loves her, but she has one that will even put on a suit and tie, buy her a corsage, and escort her to a ball.

Way go to Paul. Your little girl is going to grow into a beautiful young lady who is confident in herself; mostly because she has a Daddy like you.

Officially Waiting

2008-11-14T22:15:00.002-05:00

We received word today that Alemu (the agency staff person in Ethiopia) received our documents this morning safe and sound. That means, we're ready to be connected with a child! In the next few months we hope to receive a picture, name & medical history of our new son!

People who have gone before us say this is a tough wait. I'm glad the holidays are approaching and we'll be busy with lots of festive activities.

Lots of you have asked what's next and what our time frame is. We don't know anything for sure, but here's an educated guess. We're currently family #5 waiting for a referral for our gender/age range. We're thinking it could be 3-5 months before the referral. Then a court date is scheduled (usually 1-2 months after the referral). Once we "pass" court (sometimes it takes a few tries) we travel a few weeks later. So, we could be traveling as early as this spring or later like summer or fall. Things have moved quicker than expected thus far, but that doesn't mean that trend will continue.

We'll post again when we have new news! Until then, we'll be waiting patiently!

Here we go!!

2008-11-10T19:06:00.002-05:00

We were told today that our dossier has made it's way through Washington DC, was mailed back to AAI in Jenison, and today was mailed over to Ethiopia. Now comes the waiting for our referral (the picture, name, medical history of our little guy!) We were told we're approximately #4 in line of families waiting for our specific gender/age range (male age 2 - 3 1/2).

It's strange that we have no more to do. No more notaries to get, no more documents to seal, no more decisions to make ... we just need to wait. And pray. And pray. There's so much to pray about! There's a good chance our son is in the process of transition. That he's already at the orphanage or going through the process of being orphaned. Hard to imagine. Hard to know what to pray for! So, we're asking God to give him his daily needs. We're asking God to somehow prepare his heart for the huge transition he's going to be making soon. We're asking God to surround him with people who love him, care for him, protect him. We're praying we'll be ready as well. We know God is faithful, that He loves #3, and has a fantatic plan that we get to be apart of. There are so many unknowns, but God is good and we're trusting in Him!

Hoping to update soon! :)

A Few Halloween Pics...

2008-11-04T13:27:00.005-05:00

We had a happy Halloween at the Hoekstras. We live in the best neighborhood ever, and Halloween is always a good reminder of that. Our neighbors had hot dogs on the driveway before trick or treating began, so we had a little neighborhood potluck with kids in costume to start out the festivities. Next the kids went trick or treating down and around our street; and came home with bags full of yummy treats. Noah and Paul REALLY wanted to head to the HC Football game, so they took off and Ella and I passed out candy to some more ghosts and goblins. What a fun night ... and to top it all off ... Holland Chr. won the game! :)

And They're Off...

2008-11-03T13:20:00.003-05:00

All our documents have just been placed in the hands of the FedEx man. I have to admit my heart skipped a few beats ... all that work, all the running, all the stress ... and now it's all at the mercy of a stranger. Can't say I really like this feeling. I hope he takes good care of them. I'm not going to let myself think about what if he doesn't.

The Golden Ticket has Arrived!!

2008-11-01T07:57:00.002-04:00

We are so excited!! The Golden Ticket has arrived!! I went to the mailbox yesterday, as I do most days, kind of hoping but not allowing my heart to really "go there"; and right on top of the stack was a letter from the Department of Homeland Security. I ripped it open, expecting to find a certificate with fancy font, bright letters, flashing lights, etc. but instead it was this strange little letter stating "Notice of Favorable Determination Concerning Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition". Huh?!? Is this IT?? So I called our agency, and YES! this is what we've been waiting for! We thought it would take about 3 months; but it only ended up taking 2. So cool! SO, now we have all we need to move forward.

On Monday I'll take all of our notarized documents to the Department of the Great Seal (yeah, that's really a government office .. who knew??) to have all our documents sealed. Then we'll bundle them all up, and overnight them to The Assistant Stork (I'm not making this up) in Washington DC who will hand deliver them to the Ethiopian Embassy & the Department of State to be translated & authenticated. After that, our documents are sent back to our agency, to be sent to Ethiopia. Surprisingly, this whole process takes only about 1 week.

So, the bottom line is this, in about 2 weeks time we'll be officially waiting for our referral (the picture, medical history, etc of our child). The next step will be finding out WHO he is! Our part of the work is almost complete, and we'll be waiting for THE moment everyone talks about. The picture!

It's all becoming very real. It's all a little scary. But it's exciting too. We're moving forward and praying with each step.

We'll keep you posted!

Elise JoLea Linn

2008-10-20T11:28:00.006-04:00

Elise JoLea Linn was born on Friday, October 17 at 5:30am. She was 8lbs 2 ounces. She's a healthy little girl who looks just like her daddy ... for now! :) I am so thrilled to have a new little neice to love. There's something about being bonded to a child that isn't yours. She's a small part of me, but she's not my responsiblility. In other words, I get to have lots of fun with her, spoil her, give her fun things her mom and dad wouldn't necessarily buy (like fish, gerbils, loud toys with bells & whistles, etc.). I get to be a fun aunt! Don't get me wrong, there's nothing better in life than being a great mom, but I'm looking forward to my new role as Aunt to my sister's daughter. Noah & Ella are excited to have a new cousin too. New life is truly so incredible. I'm thrilled to be able to be a part of this little sweetheart's world. Oh, and in case you wondered ... the "Lea" in "JoLea" is after me ... Jessica Lea! :) How fun is that?!?

Fall Fun!

2008-10-13T21:00:00.013-04:00

I've been accumulating lots of fall photos over the last few weeks. Thought I'd post a few so you could see, rather than read, what we've been up to. There's not much better than fall in Michigan ... except maybe summer!

Paul's 1st 5k Run

2008-10-11T21:22:00.006-04:00

Today Paul ran in his very first 5K run. It was to benefit the Holland Rescue Mission. The race began on Fairbanks near the Mission's Women & Children's Center, and looped around the Holland area. The kids and I cheered him on as he completed the run. We were so proud of him. Way to go, Paul!!!

Waiting is Hard to Do!

2008-10-02T09:46:00.004-04:00

I haven't posted on the adoption progress in awhile, so for all you wondering where we're at ... I thought I'd write an update. Basically, we're waiting. We submitted our documents to the USCIS on August 27, and were told it's currently taking the agency 3 months to send us our approval (aka the "Golden Ticket"). We need the Golden Ticket to send with our dossier to Ethiopia (all our documents for the Ethiopian Government). If it really DOES take 3 months, then we won't have our golden ticket until the end of November, which seems a really long way off. I have to admit, even though it's only been a month, I still flip through the stack of mail pretty rapidly each afternoon ... hoping.

Once the Golden Ticket arrives, we still have lots more waiting to do ... waiting for the dossier to be translated and sent to Ethiopia, waiting for our referral (a picture and medical report of our child), waiting for a court date, waiting for a travel date, etc. So, my title of this blog "waiting is hard to do" will most likely become a common theme over the next 6-9 months!

We have a few more details to take care of in our dossier packet. We both need to get 6 passport pictures taken (even though we already have passports?!?) and submit our final book reports. Other than that, we're just waiting.

I've been reading a book "There is No Me Without You" by Melissa Fay Greene. It is a breathtaking story (true) of a woman in Ethiopia who, not by any plans of her own, begins to take in orphaned children. It also includes a fair amount of history on Ethiopia, the AIDS pandemic and other interesting topics. The book ends with several chapters on updates of kids who were in her orphanage, and are now with their American families. The book had opened my eyes to the extreme conditions these kids are faced with each day ... with the amount of loss they've faced in their short little lives. It is truly a desperate situation for so many. It gives me a very real sense of urgency. In 2005 Ethiopia had almost 4.5 MILLION orphans, with only 1.400 being adopted by families abroad. How is it even possible to imagine 4.5 Million children with no one to love them, no one to tuck them in at night, no one to explain the world to them, no one to treasure them. It's unimagineable. If these were US Children how differently we would react!!

On a lighter note, our basement is almost all cleared out and we're ready for construction to begin. We're going to be adding another bedroom, a bigger rec room & a snack bar area. I've been busy picking out carpet, cabinets, paint colors, furniture, etc and now we're just waiting for the dust to fly! I have a feeling my patience is going to be tested in lots of different ways over the next months.

Baby Shower!

2008-09-24T08:39:00.006-04:00

This Saturday Abby, Mom and I had a baby shower for Julie. It seems like we were just getting the news that the baby is a GIRL ... and now she's only 3 weeks away from being born. We had a great morning celebrating with family and Julie's friends. Baby Linn is one fortunate little girl ... she is going to be surrounded by a family who will cherish, love and adore her, she is being born into a country that promises a life full of opportunity, she will have all of her basic needs met each & every time, and lots of wants met as well. She gets to grow up in a home where she'll learn first hand that God loves her, that Jesus died for her, and that life can be full! Plus, she has a 6 year old cousin who will goo and coo and fuss until she can't take it anymore. :) So, now the showers are done, the nursery is set, and we wait for "the call". I can hardly wait to meet my new little niece!

We've Been Printed!!

2008-09-12T13:19:00.004-04:00

If you read my previous post, you know we had an issue with our fingerprinting appointment. I was getting ready to mail my form back to request a new appointment, but thought I'd better call our agency first in case they had a better idea. They did! AAI suggested we go to the USCIS office in Kentwood and see if they'd take us as a "walk in". I hopped in the car, met Paul in Kentwood, and walked into the office with a smile on my face. IT WORKED! I've officially been fingerprinted by the United States Department of Homeland Security ... and so has Paul. Good news for a rainy Friday afternoon!

Fingerprinting appointment ... or not!

2008-09-11T21:37:00.004-04:00

When I got the mail today I was excited because there were 2 envelopes from the USCIS!! Could it be our fingerprinting appointments already?!? I was sure hoping so. My hopes turned to "oh no" when I tore open the envelopes. Much to my disappointment we have an appointment next Friday, the 19th, at 8am in Grand Rapids. That's Great! you may think. Think Again. Paul is gone on a golfing trip in northern Michigan for 3 days next week ... including ... you guessed it ...the 19th. Not his fault, no the government's fault, just bad luck I suppose.

There's a small spot on the form we can fill out to request a new appointment. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they have mercy on us and give us another appointment quickly ... hopefully they don't hold it against us and schedule us sometime in 2009! It says on the form if we don't show they'll consider our application and all other documents "abandoned". Quite a word!! Anyway, I guess we'll just have to wait and see ... we're getting pretty good at that. I'll express overnight the forms back to the USCIS tomorrow requesting a new date...

Picture Time

2008-09-10T21:32:00.006-04:00

We had some family pictures taken tonight. It's never too early to be thinking about Christmas cards ... I know, I know ... it's only September but when a friend has a portrait party with a great photographer; what's a girl to do? I can almost hear my brother-in-law Andrew laughing as I type this ... he thinks I take WAY too many pictures. When I'm 80 I know I won't be sorry I captured my beautiful children as often as I did. In typical "jessica fashion", I had the kids do a few poses on the front porch before our actual shoot. Again, I know I know. It was a good idea though because we ended up with an outfit change. Maybe I really do need to get a "real" job. Sorry for the sarcasm ... hope you enjoy the trial pics :) My kids are really good sports to put up with me some days ...

One more exciting bit of news ... I am now on facebook so if you want to be my friend I'll be glad to "confirm" you. If you have no idea what I'm talking about ... no worries. To quote one of my new facebook friends Sarah Blystra "welcome to facebook; the most glorious distraction from all the important things you should be doing".

Oh, and Happy Birthday Mike! Hope it was fantastic!!

What a Week!

2008-09-06T20:45:00.018-04:00

So much has happened in the past week! Our days have been filled to the brim. I think I've taken more pictures in the past week than I have all summer.

Last Friday night we celebrated Ella's 6th birthday with our extended family. It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating her birth. Everyone warned me that time goes by so quickly ... boy were they right! Ella is a beautiful, joy-filled little girl who brings more life & laughter to my life and our family than I could ever imagine.

After the birthday party on Friday night, we launched into "labor day weekend" prepared to get in as much summer as we possibly could in 3 short days. We played at the beach most of the weekend, and even took a swim in cool, clear Lake Michigan halfway between Holland & Grand Haven. It was a perfect weekend and we tried to forget Tuesday was quickly approaching.

Tuesday, arrived quicker than we had hoped. We set the alarm clock Monday night and woke up ready to go early Tuesday morning. Noah started 3rd grade at a brand new school. As much as I wanted to continue to take him, he was so excited to ride the bus. He's felt very deprived over the past few years that he had to WALK to school and his friends got to RIDE. His friend's moms tell me they're jealous of Noah ... I guess even at such a young age kids want what they don't have. Anyway, Tuesday Noah hopped on a bus to Pine Ridge. He admitted he was a bit nervous, it's never fun being the youngest in the school, but the day went well and he's going to be just fine. Ella began 1st grade which means all day, every day. She had an excellent first week. I thought she'd be exhausted but not Ella ... she's wondering if it's Monday yet so she can go back. She's made lots of new friends already, and loves her teacher. Friday at lunch time she cried a bit and told her teacher she missed her mom ... how bad is it that I took that as "good" news?!?

Although the kids had a great first week back, I didn't fare as well. Being a mom is tough. The first week of school is really hard for me. I get so used to having the kids around during the summer months. I love being with them and it's hard to start the school routine where they're gone more than they're around. I love being the primary influence in their life, I love being there during the day rather than having to hear about exciting stuff they've experienced after the fact. I love having lunch together, love going to the pool, love seeing them play with their friends. I miss them while they're gone, and each school year that passes I realize my time with them is getting shorter. I know I still have lots of years left, but some days it seems like they were just learning to walk ... not heading off to school! I'm sure I'll get back into the groove soon, but it's bitter sweet non the less.

Today Noah had a 3 hour football scrimmage. His team met up with 3 Hamilton teams. He played both offense and defense ... and did a great job. The coach has him playing center, and Noah has been rising to the challenge. In the picture below, Noah's the one in red with his hand on the ball. His first "real" game is this coming Saturday.

USCIS Here We Come...

2008-08-27T10:13:00.005-04:00

I just dropped off our packet of documents to the post office. Express, overnight US Mail to the USCIS. The USCIS is the US Citizenship & Immigration Services. We needed to submit Form I600A along with lots of other documents. The next step will be for us to get fingerprinted, then after we clear the FBI Background check, the USCIS processes our application and approves it, they'll send us our "golden ticket" which we need in order to apply for adoption to the Ethiopian Embassy. This process is currently taking about 3 months. In the meantime, we'll be getting lots more supporting documentation together for our dossier (the packet we send to Ethiopia) so that when the "golden ticket" arrives from the US Government we'll be ready to send it all on and keep the process moving. The Dossier consists of 18 notarized documents so we still have some work to do! We're excited to be moving along and have the home study and USCIS documents checked off our list.

Sleepover

2008-08-26T21:11:00.002-04:00

All Summer we've been promising Ella a sleepover with a few of her friends from school. Since her birthday was only a week away, we decided to turn it into a birthday/slumber party. The girls arrived at 4:00 on Friday. We headed to the marina for a pizza dinner, went tubing and swimming in the lake, swam in the pool and then came home to get jammies on. We had birthday cake and ice cream and opened presents. Then the girls played for awhile and set up their sleeping bags in a row. Sleep came slowly for the girls ... and mom and dad too! Around 11:30 we gave the final "warning" and didn't hear anything until 7:00 the next morning. Paul made his famous pancakes & sausage, the girls played awhile longer and then headed home.

We know some families have this many kids of their OWN ... but we're not sure how they do it. 19 hours was plenty for us. Ella had a blast, which was the whole point, but 4 girls giggles, shrieks, silly stories, did I mention SHRIEKS?!?, was enough for this mom for awhile.

Summer Days

2008-08-17T20:40:00.012-04:00

August is alive and well at our house. We've been spending as much time as possible outside. I keep reminding the kids these wonderful sunny, warm days need to carry us through some long, cold months this winter.

Noah started football practice on Monday, and is a bit unsure of the whole thing. It's one thing to watch football and cheer on your favorite team, and a whole different thing to strap on a helmet, pads and start hitting. His coach is tough ... kind of drill sergeant like (lots of yelling!)... and so Noah is totally out of his comfort zone. Noah has played soccer since Kindergarten, has gone to numerous soccer camps, and loves the game. Being the sports nut that he is, he has always wanted to try football. We allowed the decision to be his, but warned him that football is different than soccer. He really wanted to give soccer a break this fall and play football. He wont admit it, but I know after 2 football practices under his belt the familiarity of soccer is starting to look pretty good at this point. He's learning some valuable life lessons ... like sticking with things even when they're hard, and respecting adults even when you don't feel like it. I have a feeling once he gets the hang of the game and he'll start liking it more ... at least we hope so!

This past weekend we were blessed by Opa & Oma to be able to take a "Hoekstra family adventure" to Cedar Point. We had a blast riding coasters, sliding down water slides and re-connecting with brothers, sisters, neices & nephews who we don't get to see often enough. We were sad to say good-bye. It's a bad feeling to be so far away from family we love so much.

2 more weeks until school starts. I don't even like thinking about it, so I for sure am not going to WRITE about it! I'm posting some summer pictures to keep the spirit alive.

Sold!

2008-08-05T14:43:00.003-04:00

As some of you may know, I tried my hand at "flipping" a house this summer. I had been looking for just the right house in just the right neighborhood for just the right price and was hoping I would find the perfect match this fall. I know when school starts I'll have some time on my hands, and the thought of buying a run down house, fixing it up and re-selling it has some appeal to me. Some of you think that's crazy, I know, but I also know others of you would love to do the same thing.

Anyway, the perfect house came along, only a little sooner than expected. I made a really low offer on it in June and they accepted! Yikes! The thought of working on a run down house in the middle of a beautiful Michigan summer was less than appealing, but I forged ahead anyhow. About a week after our accepted offer our realtor called with some "strange" news. Someone wanted to make us an offer on the house we were going to buy. "OK", I said, "bring it on". Long story short, it was a good offer, I didn't have to pick up a paint brush, and we could close a month later. As of today, the house is no longer ours and I made a nice little profit for a month's work of "work".

Paul and our realtor say it's "beginner's luck", but I'm not so sure. I'm going to start house hunting again; I may have just found my new career path :)