10 years ago ... 1 year ago ...

March 16 is a big day for our family.

10 years ago, March 16 2000, our spunky, fun loving, kind hearted son entered the world. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and it felt like spring. Our lives haven't been the same since. That day we were filled to the brim with a love we had only heard about before. A love that was truly unconditional. A love that has grown and overwhelmed us and continues to change us. This child is mine, and the depths of my love for him still surprise me. He is mine, and yet he is his own as well.

That was 10 years ago.




One year ago, on March 16 2009, it was a beautiful day as well. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the kids were playing outside in the warm afternoon sun; and then the phone rang. "We have a little boy we'd like to you to consider. Shall I tell you about him? Would you like me to email his picture?" We laid our eyes on Felmata Judah Hoekstra for the very first time. 1 year ago today.



Our lives haven't been the same since. That day we were filled to the brim with a love we had only heard about before. A love that was truly unconditional. A love that has grown, and overwhelmed us and continues to change us. Continues to change our family. This child is mine, and the depths of my love for him still surprise me. He is mine, and yet he is his own as well.

Happy March 16 Team Brother! I love this day!!

Birth-Day

Throughout the last 7 months that Felmata has been home with us, I have been surprised at how many similarities there are to raising Noah and Ella. It would seem like more would be differences, but in actuality, our life together as mother and son has been more the same than different. There have been some unique struggles and also unique accomplishments, but our day to day has been similar to how it was when my other 2 kids were this age.

Yesterday was an exception. It was Felmata's 4th Birthday. Not really his birth-day; but the day that is recorded on his legal documents as his date of birth. We don't know the actual day he was born, so through some research, the little information we had, input from the kids, and some figurative dart throwing; we came up with a birthday of 3/3/06.

On Noah and Ella's birthdays, we often tell stories about what that day was like. How we were feeling (excited! nervous! filled with joy!). What the weather was like. What the nurses said (most beautiful baby ever!). I am instantly taken back to that day; and how it changed me forever. I can pull up those 2 days as if they happened just an hour ago.

3/3/06 has absoutley no memories for me. I don't know where I was on that day, or what the weather was like, or what the nurses said (if there even WERE nurses!). It wasn't even the day he was born.

Yesterday I felt a sense of loss. I will never know the details surrounding Felmata's birth. It's a strange, unnatural feeling.

We have 2 big parties planned for this weekend. Every 4 year old should celebrate another year of life. And celebrate we will!

I'll make the cake (shaped like a fire truck!), and sing happy birthday, and run the video camera and do all the "mom birthday things" ... but in my heart it's not quite the same.

More than this weekend, I am looking forward to 7/15/10. Because on 7/15/09 I met my son for the very first time. I lifted him high in the air and kissed him and hugged him and gave him a great big teddy bear. He called me "Mama" and didn't want me to set him down. The nannies cried as he left; and it's no wonder why. We had a strange pizza lunch, and french fries with ketchup and then played with a ball all afternoon. We made symbols with our fingers of the airplane we were going to ride on. We slathered on lotion, and medicine on his ouchies. We sang songs together and giggled and looked at pictures of his new life in America. We drank water out of a bottle! We lined up our shoes, and didn't let them out of our sight. We laid down that night; exhausted but elated to be together at last.

Those are the memories I will cherish. That is the day that I can truly celebrate. Even if it's just for me.

7 Months

As of February 18 Felmata has been home with us for 7 months. Most days it's difficult to remember life without him. He continues to be an emormous source of joy and laughter in our house. He is growing and changing and becoming more and more American. There are days when I long for him to sing me a song in Oromo (his native language), but he just looks at me and giggles. As much as I'd hoped he would mantain his Ethiopian heritage, it is becoming more difficult. I bought him some injera (a very common food in ET) a while back, and he declared he'd rather have PB&J ... with NO crusts. American indeed! I do allow him to drink coffee (gasp!), only because it's truly the only thing left of Ethiopia in his world.

We have been sending our quarterly reports back to Ethiopia, where we're required to answer lots of questions about his progress, and also include pictures. I've also included with the reports an additional envelope filled with pictures for his birth mom. I have no way to know if she gets them or not, but I sure hope she does. I had some contact with our agency lately, and they asked the question for me. Our contact is Ethiopia assured me that she "definetly gets the pictures". I can barely allow my mind to go to what that must be like.

I hope when she looks at them she can see that he is well. That he is loved. That he is our child; just as much as Noah and Ella. And that we are doing as we promised we would. She remains in my heart and thoughts more often than I had thought she would. This woman who is so different than me, and yet so much the same. This sister in Christ who I have spent 30 minutes with, and yet am connected by a bond that is stronger than most in my life. She remains in my heart.

Felmata has seen several pregnant ladies lately, and has asked me if he grew in my tummy too. I gently remind him of his ET Mom, and explain that while he didn't grow in my tummy, he grew in my heart. He loves this word picture and I do too; because it is so true.

To think that we flew all the way across the world, picked up this 3 year old child whom we had never met before, brought him into our home, our lives, our hearts. Just 7 months ago. And really truly love him like he's always been ours.

It is a miracle.

All in itself.

God didn't have to bless us this way. And yet He did.

And I am grateful.

Twists and Turns

Life is unpredictable. You don't need to live long to realize that. It's especially unpredictable when a person chooses to live a life in obedience to God. When you walk in His footsteps, the path can be steep, unsteady, even dark and scary at times. But the amazing thing is that this amazing God of ours has walked the same path Himself. He knows where it leads and will walk with us all the way.

We know a few families who are in process of adopting children from Haiti. When you adopt a child, there is an instant network of friends you get to be a part of. Doesn't matter the country. So, we've been following their path just like they followed ours.

One friend in particular (they're listed under my blog list as "great adventures") had hoped their son would be home this past spring. But delay upon delay upon frustrating delay kept him in Haiti much longer than they had imagined. In the meantime, they began the process to adopt a little girl as well. The earthquake hit. Unimaginable fear and loss and anxiety. Their children are safe; yet so many are not.

Their path has taken a sudden, unexpected, beautiful turn. As God knew all along, those 2 kids are arriving into Miami today to be united with their new family. They had hoped their son would have been home by now, they knew their daughter was at least a year away; and now they'll all be together today! It is a breath of fresh air to see this kind of joy come out of all the devasation.

They, along with so many others, are on my heart today. The anticipation is almost too much to imagine. I pray their transition is a smooth one.

I also pray for the countless children around the world who are living life with a much different path than mine.

Anyone Else?

Is anyone else out there ready for spring yet? Anyone sick of the slop and cold and wet socks? How about the stinky smelling gloves and hats and mittens that never seem to get quite dry enough? The garage floor that is a brownish yucky mess?

I am ... I'm sick of it already and it's only the beginning of January.

I'm thinkin it's going to be a looong winter.

It's 2010!

Happy 2010 bloggers!

In some ways, it's hard to believe 2009 is done and gone. In other ways, it feels like it lasted forever! 2009 was a really "long" year for our family. I know each year has exactly 365 days in it, but in my life, some years seem to last longer than others. 2009 was a long one. It had more peaks and valleys than any other year I can remember. The mountain tops were brighter, but the valleys were darker.

We overcame some pretty big challenges, and are still waiting on the Lord to move in some others. We added another child to our family, and learned first hand that following God's promptings really does result in immeasurable joy. We struggled through a challenging economy, just like so many of you. In 2009 I learned what fear looks like, feels like, even tastes like and I also learned right along with it what it means to have strength and courage; and more importantly where it comes from. This year I saw injustice like I had only read about before.

There have been nights in 2009 that I've fallen into bed, with tears running down my cheeks so thankful for the amazing blessings I've been given. I've woken up some mornings not really feeling like getting out of bed to "do it all again". I've asked myself lots of questions ... like what am I supposed to be doing with my days, am I really making a difference to anyone, and all those questions I seem to ask when life gets mundane.

Yup ... there have been highs and lows and lots of days in between. And the best part has been, that I've never been alone. And I won't be in 2010 either. So, here's to another year!