Sometimes when the dishes are done, the kids are tucked in and kissed good night, the "estate has been locked down" (as my husband likes to joke); my thoughts are not so easily put to bed. Sometimes I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow. Sometimes I do not.
Sometimes my mind runs a little wild. I ask questions. To whom I'm not sure. But I ask questions. Do we have milk for breakfast? Will the clothes I left in the washing machine be stinky by morning (OK ... by late afternoon)? Is the garage door shut? Will I lose my parents at too young of an age? Will my (adopted) son ever grow to resent me ... his "2nd" mother? When was the last time that ceiling fan was cleaned? Will my daughter tell me when she's hurt ... scared ... lonely? Did I insult my friend with my words? Does my husband really love me ... for real? Am I a "good enough" sister/daughter/friend/wife/mother/employee/neighbor
/PERSON?
Today I was once again reminded of God's Words to me. He wants me to look up. Not back. Not ahead. But up. He wants me to be present in today. To smell the fresh cut grass. To love my children right where they are. To love as if I'll never be hurt. To tear down walls. To seek Him. To listen to that still small voice and obey.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep having questions. Questions are just part of who I am. But I love how the psalmnist reminds me to look up .... "But YOU, oh Lord, are a shield about me; my glory, and the lifter of my head."
Thanks, Lord, for reminding me to lift my head, and for being there in the midst of all of my questions. There is NONE like You!
1 comment:
Beautifully said Jess. From woman to woman I can say that the questions never stop...or does the lifting our heads! What a gift that we can do so!
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